Category Archives: Breakdown

Terrified

Posted on May 31, 2011 by jenny

(Written in January 2009) Woke in fear, took 50 Seroquel, later took .5 Ativan.  So now I’m sleepy.  And nothing to say.  Nothing to hold on to any more either — I’m totally bereft of resources — I didn’t even … Continue reading →

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Bad Night

Posted on May 30, 2011 by jenny

(Written in January 2009) A bad night.  Yesterday was pretty horrible.  Long stretches of no meaning, waves of discouragement and despair.  I keep bringing my mind to the present moment, or to a prayer or affirmation.  It takes everything I’ve … Continue reading →

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Affirmations

Posted on May 29, 2011 by jenny

(Written in January 2009) Karen was very helpful.  I was stuck in that awful place of: I try something, look to see if it’s working, and if not I conclude I can’t do it.  That old old pattern.  Karen kept … Continue reading →

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Bipolar 2

Posted on May 28, 2011 by jenny

At the end of 2008 my psychiatrist said she thought I was “bipolar 2”.  Kayla looked it up on the web and said it was repeated depressions without the manic part of the cycle.  It totally freaked me out. (Written … Continue reading →

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Ordeal

Posted on May 27, 2011 by jenny

(Written in January 2009) I feel like my courage and strength have been broken by this last ordeal, that I have been unable to bear the magnitude of the pain entrusted to me.  I think well there are lots of … Continue reading →

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Somatic Experiencing – Hard Work

Posted on May 23, 2011 by jenny

(Written in December 2008) Work with Caryn was very hard.  I kept having waves of complete discouragement and hopelessness.  I was reminded of that step in my pattern where I conclude “I can’t do this” when one step in a … Continue reading →

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Guidance

Posted on May 21, 2011 by jenny

(Written in December 2008) Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I woke at 3 and didn’t sleep again.  I’m exhausted and depressed and scared.  Please help me. Dear Jenny, we love you very much.  We know it’s hard for you to … Continue reading →

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Compassion

Posted on May 20, 2011 by jenny

(Written in December 2008) Got up at 6 feeling very bleak.  Trying to bring compassion to wretched Bella — I was angry at her for not letting me sleep — and to my miserable self — I turned to the … Continue reading →

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Too Much Pain

Posted on May 19, 2011 by jenny

(Written in December 2008) I’m at a retreat with Jack Kornfield at Kripalu.  The last time I came it was very helpful, but this time it isn’t working. This is just being too hard.  I’m wondering if I should leave … Continue reading →

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Genesis II

Posted on May 17, 2011 by jenny

(Written in November 2008) Yesterday evening I kept reading Fox & Sheldrake (Natural Grace) and was reconnected with a wonderful vision of the shamanic realm: overlapping morphogenetic fields, overlapping souls, all of us intricately interconnected.  There was a discussion of … Continue reading →

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