Monthly Archives: May 2011


(Written in January 2009) Woke in fear, took 50 Seroquel, later took .5 Ativan.  So now I’m sleepy.  And nothing to say.  Nothing to hold on to any more either — I’m totally bereft of resources — I didn’t even … Continue reading

Posted in Breakdown, Trauma | Comments Off on Terrified

Bad Night

(Written in January 2009) A bad night.  Yesterday was pretty horrible.  Long stretches of no meaning, waves of discouragement and despair.  I keep bringing my mind to the present moment, or to a prayer or affirmation.  It takes everything I’ve … Continue reading

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(Written in January 2009) Karen was very helpful.  I was stuck in that awful place of: I try something, look to see if it’s working, and if not I conclude I can’t do it.  That old old pattern.  Karen kept … Continue reading

Posted in Breakdown, Healing | Comments Off on Affirmations

Bipolar 2

At the end of 2008 my psychiatrist said she thought I was “bipolar 2”.  Kayla looked it up on the web and said it was repeated depressions without the manic part of the cycle.  It totally freaked me out. (Written … Continue reading

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(Written in January 2009) I feel like my courage and strength have been broken by this last ordeal, that I have been unable to bear the magnitude of the pain entrusted to me.  I think well there are lots of … Continue reading

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After the women’s retreat I decided to do some therapy with Phyllis because I could trust her. It was in a therapy session with Phyllis that I had a very odd experience.  I just checked my journal for 1976 and … Continue reading

Posted in Trauma | Comments Off on PTSD

“feel good about myself”

In April of 1976 I went to a women’s weekend retreat. It was very illuminating for me.  Afterward I did a number of therapy sessions with Phyllis. This is what I wrote in 1976: the core of the weekend for … Continue reading

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Good for me!

It took me a long time to be able to appreciate the things I actually accomplished.  When I took the DMA course in creating what I wanted in my life, one of the exercises was the 10 successes of the … Continue reading

Posted in Healing, Present Day | 1 Comment

Somatic Experiencing – Hard Work

(Written in December 2008) Work with Caryn was very hard.  I kept having waves of complete discouragement and hopelessness.  I was reminded of that step in my pattern where I conclude “I can’t do this” when one step in a … Continue reading

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(Written in December 2008) Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I woke at 3 and didn’t sleep again.  I’m exhausted and depressed and scared.  Please help me. Dear Jenny, we love you very much.  We know it’s hard for you to … Continue reading

Posted in Breakdown, Guidance, Trauma | Comments Off on Guidance