Monthly Archives: April 2011

Moment of Reprieve

(Written in October 2008) I’ve been typing journal from late August when things were starting to get bad, and again it seems like somebody else’s experience.  I describe feeling the worst despair I’ve ever felt in my life, and I … Continue reading

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Jupiter Opposition

(Written in September 2008) A good night’s sleep.  Feeling considerably better, tho a little shaky & strange.  Brain not quite working right.  Wafts of very strange feelings to which I’m not going to pay much attention.  I’ll put my focus … Continue reading

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Good Day

(Written in September 2008) Woke OK this morning!  Took 2 buspar right away.  Feeling a very little sad and scared right now.  Yesterday afternoon & evening went pretty well.  I was able to cycle between reading, typing journal, playing solitaire, … Continue reading

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Helen’s Celebration

(Written in March 2008) We gave Helen a good send off last night.  More than 20 people.  Helen was an older woman who had danced with us for ten years.  She died a couple of weeks ago.  We got together … Continue reading

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Things Re-arranging Themselves

(Written in June 2008) Woke sad.  Raining hard.  Yesterday I was typing up from the week after Laura’s training, trying to describe the disconcerting feelings and being unable to.  Karen helped a lot by telling me it was because my … Continue reading

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(Written in June 2008) I was so tired yesterday that I spent the morning sitting on this couch — reading The Secret Life of Bees which I find so nourishing, and my last journal volume from Laura’s training.  I’d been … Continue reading

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Bleak Again

(Written in February 2006) Bleak again.  No warmth anywhere.  I feel desperately alone, yet I don’t want anybody to come for fear they would be disapproving and rejecting.  This is the cold of rejection.  This is outer darkness.  I’m outside … Continue reading

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(Written in February 2006) Woke early & couldn’t sleep again.  Feeling bleak.  Feeling cold.  Feeling like there is no love anywhere in the universe.  It’s all cold and dark.  I try to hold it gently, softly, to give it space … Continue reading

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Earth Day Dance

(April 22 2007) Last night’s dancing was in honor of Gaia — I built a centerpiece with Gaia, animals, plants, mosses, rocks, crystals, sea shells, and artificial flowers. People commented on how rich it was. We did “Healing Waters” and … Continue reading

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Huge Sadness

(Written in January 2006) Woke without fear, but sad.  Huge sadness — that life is sad and everywhere full of pain.  Interestingly I don’t feel despair — and I see that despair, hopelessness, is different from sadness.  I accept that … Continue reading

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