Monthly Archives: October 2010

Somatic Experiencing

(Written in February 2006) A good session with Peter. Dog barked in the hall and I started telling him about Paula whose dog barks at all hours of the night. I said I couldn’t call the cops on her then, … Continue reading

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Good Experiences

(Written in March 2008) At Kripalu. Being on the 4th floor has meant a lot of running up & down stairs. Such a relief to be without fear and without depression. Yes, I’m taking a break, a break from pushpushpush, … Continue reading

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(Written in January 2007) Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I’m feeling pretty bleak. My heart feels like a stone, & nothing I do, or think of, helps it soften. When Lynelle said “too much pain” something cracked open, but it’s … Continue reading

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(Written in January 2007) Woke early feeling very lost. We stayed up late watching Spitfire Grill. I think I may have seen it before, but can’t remember for sure. There was a Viet Nam vet living in the woods, and … Continue reading

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“Don’t Care”

Karen, my therapist in Montpelier, was helpful though I didn’t have a lot to say. Somehow I got onto the belief that not doing something was equivalent to not caring. I think this is part of what gets me in … Continue reading

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Try to do Too Much

(Written in October 2003) I’m feeling so discouraged and defeated. I see how, when I was feeling better in the summer, I did the COA black & white thing “I’m all better now.” And so I immediately wanted to widen … Continue reading

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Struggle with Depression

(Written in October 2003) A dream about grade school – where I learned not to let on that I wanted something for it wouldn’t be given. Family was that way too. I think about babies who die because no one … Continue reading

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Struggle with Fear

(Written in October 2003) Yesterday evening was pretty good. I felt quiet & peaceful & tired. Made supper, enjoyed the sunset, read and washed dishes. That’s how I’d like my life to be. Woke OK this morning but then hot … Continue reading

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What Depression Does for Me

(Written in October 2003) Woke at 5:41 terrified. Tried to bring compassion to my fear. No softening, all is meaningless. No sense of contact with the spirit realm. Last night at NVC check-in I talked about my despair. I said … Continue reading

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(Written in October 2003) What I am feeling is despair. I feel “like” my life has been wasted in a meaningless struggle, etc. But that’s a thought. What am I feeling in my body? Ache and heaviness of heart, weakness … Continue reading

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