Category Archives: Depression

That Twilight Feeling, reprise

These two messages arrived at the end of the year. They speak to exactly how I’m feeling, which is very lonely, very sad, a sense that there is no meaning to my life, a kind of end-of-life version of That … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on That Twilight Feeling, reprise

Empty Cold Place

from my journal for October 24 2021 Checking email, I saw something about how corporate interests are acting against the freedom of the internet.  I could feel the “bad guys” closing in, and it reminded me of Etty Hillesum as … Continue reading

Posted in Breakdown, Depression, Journal, Present Day | Comments Off on Empty Cold Place

Need for Forgiveness

This morning I wrote a long piece about the constant stuck pain in my heart, and trying to figure out what it was.  It came to me that it might have been about this incident with Mother.  Reading it earlier … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Story | Comments Off on Need for Forgiveness

Primary Wound History

I wrote this yesterday as part of a program given by Matt Licata, who is a trauma-sensitive therapist and writer.  I found about him from a piece of his blog, which was posted on Jalaja Bonheim’s Circlework Page.  I’m in … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Present Day, Trauma, Writing | Comments Off on Primary Wound History

A Sojourn in Hell

Here are some extracts from my journal for the week after I fell and hurt my knee on Monday, April 5.  See Knockdown.  During the week my knee got worse, and I had a very bad time psychologically.  I think … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on A Sojourn in Hell

An Anarchist Quaker’s Prayer to Soothe Anxiety

This came from Yes! Magazine.  I copied it into a document I call “Resource,” which I go to in times of trouble.  I’m doing really badly right now, and this seemed appropriate.  I wish I could manage to soothe myself, … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Present Day, Spirit, Trauma | Comments Off on An Anarchist Quaker’s Prayer to Soothe Anxiety

Paradigm Shift

Recently I realized that the two worlds I shift between, the one where I’m stuck in depression, worthless, living a meaningless broken life, and the one where I haven’t wasted my suffering, and my work on myself benefits everyone — … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Present Day, Spirit, Trauma | Comments Off on Paradigm Shift

“Stuck in Their Misery”

I got an email recently from someone who said I was “stuck in my misery.”  Feeling fortified by the knowledge that I hadn’t wasted my suffering, and knowing that our culture tends to blame people for their suffering, I didn’t … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Healing, Journal, Present Day, Spirit, Trauma | Comments Off on “Stuck in Their Misery”

Guidance from 1993

I’ve been reading my journal from 1993 and found many entries that resonate with this moment in my life. Alas, at this moment I am having a very hard time. I think due to social distancing, I’ve been triggered back … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Guidance, Journal | Comments Off on Guidance from 1993

The Blood-Soaked Bundle, November 1992

This is from my journal for November 1992.  I had no idea yet that I was dealing with PTSD, in fact I wasn’t even on medication.  This is an account of a therapy session with Karen Collins in Montpelier, who … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Story, Trauma | Comments Off on The Blood-Soaked Bundle, November 1992