Category Archives: Depression

An Anarchist Quaker’s Prayer to Soothe Anxiety

This came from Yes! Magazine.  I copied it into a document I call “Resource,” which I go to in times of trouble.  I’m doing really badly right now, and this seemed appropriate.  I wish I could manage to soothe myself, … Continue reading

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Paradigm Shift

Recently I realized that the two worlds I shift between, the one where I’m stuck in depression, worthless, living a meaningless broken life, and the one where I haven’t wasted my suffering, and my work on myself benefits everyone — … Continue reading

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“Stuck in Their Misery”

I got an email recently from someone who said I was “stuck in my misery.”  Feeling fortified by the knowledge that I hadn’t wasted my suffering, and knowing that our culture tends to blame people for their suffering, I didn’t … Continue reading

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Guidance from 1993

I’ve been reading my journal from 1993 and found many entries that resonate with this moment in my life. Alas, at this moment I am having a very hard time. I think due to social distancing, I’ve been triggered back … Continue reading

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The Blood-Soaked Bundle, November 1992

This is from my journal for November 1992.  I had no idea yet that I was dealing with PTSD, in fact I wasn’t even on medication.  This is an account of a therapy session with Karen Collins in Montpelier, who … Continue reading

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How this Blog helps me Keep on Keeping on

From my journal written in September 2010, and posted in April 2012 as Struggle with Self-Hate I cooked rice but I wasn’t able to eat breakfast.  Called Karen.  She said not to “shame & blame” myself, but of course I’m … Continue reading

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Needing to be Heard

This was originally posted in March 2012 (journal entry from June 2004) A really bad night.  Dogs barking, didn’t call cops.  My heart just ached.  I tried to bring compassion to it without success.  It’s slap in my face how … Continue reading

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Non-Relationship with Mother

I went back to look for the Thanksgiving in 1991 to find out why we hadn’t joined the rest of the family in Florida.  I don’t mention that, just that we did spend Thanksgiving with Dana’s parents.  But I did … Continue reading

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Losses of my Life

Continued from journal for February 18, 1992 What am I grieving for?  All the losses of my life.  I suppose I might as well list them.  And immediately, up comes that sense of boredom and criticism, who do you think … Continue reading

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Writing about Sorrow and Death

More from journal for February 18, 1992 Candle.  Cup of tea.  Bach B minor Mass. I want to write about sorrow and death.  I was going to listen to aap sahaee hoaa on earphones, but the tape is in the … Continue reading

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