Category Archives: Depression

1997: How My Writing Has Changed

Posted on October 6, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for September 29, 1997 So how has my writing changed?  Being “literary” is no longer top priority.  I no longer find myself thinking “This is one of the great journals of the world,” no longer fantasize someone … Continue reading →

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1997: Impossible Setup

Posted on September 14, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for March 13, 1997 It’s so sad…  Dana has had too many experiences of women who wouldn’t or couldn’t make love to him, and I’ve had too many experiences of being replaced by someone else, starting with … Continue reading →

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1997: Medication vs. Therapy?

Posted on September 1, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for January 24, 1997 Saw Dr. Brunette today which left me completely bummed out.  I told her all that had been happening — it felt like she listened to me but didn’t really hear me.  At the … Continue reading →

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1997: The Oneness of Perpetrator and Victim

Posted on August 28, 2024 by jenny

from my journal for January 8, 1997 Dana said “Drugs are no escape” and described a man he had once had to arrest— he was drunk, his body deteriorating, his emotions out of control, he obviously had not escaped the … Continue reading →

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1996: Auditory Integration Training

Posted on July 31, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for June 16, 1996 Note: AIT stands for Auditory Integration Training. I hoped it might limit my extreme reaction to the noise of the planes. I’m not looking forward to today.  I didn’t want to get out … Continue reading →

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Simply Staying Present

Posted on July 20, 2024 by jenny

This is from a post on February 15, 2012.  It struck me as a useful reminder to be present to everything, even tiredness and discouragement. Lynelle referred me to Cynthia’s quote from a Sufi master, Kabir Helminski: “The person who … Continue reading →

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1996: Enneagram 4, Difficult Winter, Individuation Process

Posted on July 15, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for May 8, 1996 Woke early.  I have angry rejoinders to my brother going through my head, so thought I would just write them down.  Actually, I think he did me a service with his stupid, patronizing, … Continue reading →

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1996: Beltane

Posted on July 13, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for April 29, 1996.  The holiday I am talking about is Beltane, May 1, also called May Day, one of the cross quarter days of the Old Nature Religion of Western Europe.  My energy for teaching dance … Continue reading →

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“Dear Jenny, I do love you… “

Posted on July 11, 2024 by jenny

This was written in June 2004 and posted in  September 2011. I read it and was almost moved to tears by the sentence beginning “Dear Jenny, I do love you…” I feel like a very different person, looking at Jenny, … Continue reading →

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1995: I Want to Feel that My Life has Meaning

Posted on July 7, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for September 19, 1995 Last night I decided that I wasn’t going to fight my depression because there’s a way in which it feels restful. …  I see that what I want is not to be happy, … Continue reading →

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