Category Archives: Depression

How this Blog helps me Keep on Keeping on

From my journal written in September 2010, and posted in April 2012 as Struggle with Self-Hate I cooked rice but I wasn’t able to eat breakfast.  Called Karen.  She said not to “shame & blame” myself, but of course I’m … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma | Comments Off on How this Blog helps me Keep on Keeping on

Needing to be Heard

This was originally posted in March 2012 (journal entry from June 2004) A really bad night.  Dogs barking, didn’t call cops.  My heart just ached.  I tried to bring compassion to it without success.  It’s slap in my face how … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma | Comments Off on Needing to be Heard

Non-Relationship with Mother

I went back to look for the Thanksgiving in 1991 to find out why we hadn’t joined the rest of the family in Florida.  I don’t mention that, just that we did spend Thanksgiving with Dana’s parents.  But I did … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal | Comments Off on Non-Relationship with Mother

Losses of my Life

Continued from journal for February 18, 1992 What am I grieving for?  All the losses of my life.  I suppose I might as well list them.  And immediately, up comes that sense of boredom and criticism, who do you think … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma | Comments Off on Losses of my Life

Writing about Sorrow and Death

More from journal for February 18, 1992 Candle.  Cup of tea.  Bach B minor Mass. I want to write about sorrow and death.  I was going to listen to aap sahaee hoaa on earphones, but the tape is in the … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma, Writing | Comments Off on Writing about Sorrow and Death

Struggle to Take Care of Myself

The next three posts are from writing I did on February 18 in 1992.  I’ve been reading my way through my old journals in an attempt to integrate my younger self with my present self.  I keep being surprised at … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma, Writing | Comments Off on Struggle to Take Care of Myself

Coalesce, Confluence, Confusion…

Books I’ve been reading, recent news, posts on the internet, images that come to mind…  all have been coming together in a pattern, or almost a pattern, or maybe an almost combination that’s con-fusing…   To me, con-fusing suggests melting … Continue reading

Posted in Activism, Depression, Present Day, Spirit | Comments Off on Coalesce, Confluence, Confusion…

How I Healed the Phobia

These are the last two paragraphs of my blog post from 2011 about the airplane phobia: “Looking back at it, I can see better how it became so horrendous.  Hypersensitivity to sound is a symptom of PTSD, but I still … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Healing, Trauma | Comments Off on How I Healed the Phobia

Invalidating and Trivializing my Experience

I have been reading my journal for 1986, and came across this entry about the noise phobia in November. I had a bad time with anger yesterday.  Feelings of rage kept surfacing, and I would let myself feel it, but … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma | Comments Off on Invalidating and Trivializing my Experience

“Shelter in Place”

Because of COVID-19, I am getting scared on a regular basis.  If I can find either my grief or my gratitude it will help dissolve the fear.  But it’s a wild ride.  I also have been getting together with my … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Story, Trauma | Comments Off on “Shelter in Place”