Category Archives: Somatic Experiencing

1995: Sullen Angry 8-yr-old

From my journal for November 28, 1995 Well, let’s see if she is here, that sullen angry hurt child.  I have a hit of her age as being 8 or 9, and of Mother as a hurt angry sullen child … Continue reading

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“A deep well of sadness”

Writing done in group on Monday, May 15 A well of unprocessed grief “To be met!”  That’s what I said when I was doing somatic experiencing with Peter Payne.  He also did body work and I was sitting on his … Continue reading

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The Oneness of Guilt and Pain

I watched this talk on Healing Trauma and Spiritual Growth with Peter Levine, who developed Somatic Experiencing, and Thomas Huebl, a spiritual teacher, and found it enormously helpful.  In fact I watched it twice.  I was struck by a story … Continue reading

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How I Was Traumatized

I realize that when I described feeling like George Floyd being held down and suffocated, I didn’t explain what happened to me and how it felt.  I had a dear friend who had been horribly abused in a physically abusive … Continue reading

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Issue of Control

July 10 Fear came up.  The cold vibration in my diaphragm.  It didn’t fade so I stayed with it.  Tried to meditate — actually maybe I did finally hold on to the lovingkindness prayer for myself.  Somewhere along the way … Continue reading

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Working with Uncomfortable Physical Sensations

The situation: I bought a car for my friend Eleanor, because the one she was driving has bad brakes that may go anytime.  I am also in the final stages of applying to Kendal, a retirement community that will provide … Continue reading

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Emptiness

I haven’t been able to post anything for quite a while.  Bella’s death opened up the huge abyss of abandonment. The session with Caryn was tough.  I started in my corner and crying.  I wanted to ask her what was … Continue reading

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Ten Years — Forty Years

I wrote a journal piece 10 years ago, on my effort to understand which stories work for me and which don’t.  I posted it as “Choices & Dysfunctional Beliefs.”  It’s painful to me that I’ve been struggling with PTSD for … Continue reading

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It Gets Harder

My heart hurts.  Grieving for Bella has gotten harder.  Thursday I was depressed.  Friday I started the day feeling totally empty, feeling like Bella had never lived.  I couldn’t remember what she looked like.  I couldn’t feel her spirit. Then … Continue reading

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Bodhisattva Vow

Written in July 2009 I can’t remember the session with Caryn very well.  I went back to my corner and told her how I had gotten “too big” and needed to pull back.  I had brought the doll I had … Continue reading

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