Category Archives: Trauma

What I learned from the Retreat

This was written the day after the second day of the Courage and Renewal Retreat. Normally, when I post things I’ve written in my journal, I either edit them, or add material to explain some of the references.  Today I’m … Continue reading

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Losing Ground

I’ve been losing ground since I first stopped changing the hangings at Neskaya eight times a year, for the holidays of the Ancient Nature Religion of Western Europe.  I didn’t even notice when that began to happen, I guess I … Continue reading

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Major Trigger

I usually type up my journal about one month later.  It often gives me some perspective that I didn’t have when I wrote it.  Recently I typed up this: from October 14 The part of me that’s behind my inability … Continue reading

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The “Gift” of Life

I am doing a Retreat with the Courage and Renewal folks. It’s called “Tending to Our Grief in Autumn” and is similar to the one I did in person in Burlington last January.  Except that this one had to be … Continue reading

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Healing

From post for October 2003: The pain in my heart is so great — there’s something about this deep level that’s so difficult.  I suppose because I’m so practiced at making myself wrong and turning away from this kind of … Continue reading

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What can I do with what’s left?

Today I had a really hard time.  Because of COVID, there are a number of offerings on the internet, talks, webinars, ongoing classes, all of which are of potential interest to me.  I start to feel overwhelmed, and then a … Continue reading

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Pressure to “Prove that I Deserve to Live”

I’ve been reading through my journal from the beginning.  These two entries really impressed me as describing a dynamic which I have been coming to know well.  I have called it “keeping going through a blizzard” and “false urgency.”  It … Continue reading

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Rewriting My Life

From my journal for yesterday: WholeHeart:    poem is Making Peace by Denise Levertov “If we restructured the sentence our lives are making.” The sentence my life is making.  It definitely needs to be restructured. Trauma becomes initiation. Abuse becomes … Continue reading

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The Meaning of My Life, 1976

from my journal for February 22, 1976 very black mood last night.  feeling like my life was like a sketch that has gone wrong and should be abandoned, torn up, so that a new start could be made.  So I … Continue reading

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Alone in an Empty Universe

From my journal for Thursday, September 24 3rd cup. coffee.  WholeHeart questions. The poem was about a lighthouse 1. Who are your light keepers? 2. What keeps you afloat? 3. How are you “keeping a light for those left out”? … Continue reading

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