Category Archives: Trauma

1996: Enneagram 4, Difficult Winter, Individuation Process

From my journal for May 8, 1996 Woke early.  I have angry rejoinders to my brother going through my head, so thought I would just write them down.  Actually, I think he did me a service with his stupid, patronizing, … Continue reading

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1996: Tangle of Fear and Grief and Anger

From my journal for April 24, 1996 Driving over to Danville, Lynelle asked how I was doing, and I said I had been anxious until I got to the underlying sadness.  When I can feel the sadness, the anxiety goes … Continue reading

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1996: Need to Deal with Damage to the Foundation

From my journal for April 17, 1996 I’ve been thinking how out of touch I feel with that experience of spaciousness I had last year.  It’s as though it happened to a different person.  I feel like I’ve had all … Continue reading

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1995: Struggling with Health, Noise, Confusion

From my journal for September 11, 1995 I want to write about my odd feeling yesterday and today.  I’m sure it’s at least partly the cold that makes me feel thick-headed and dazed, partly Dana being away that makes me … Continue reading

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1996: Description of Trauma before I Understood that I had been Traumatized

From my journal for March 1996.  Eleanor is my friend who was badly abused in her family of origin. She was herself dealing with PTSD, and kept trying to convince me that I was too. At that time, I thought … Continue reading

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1996: Go Back and Re-do “Life 101”

These journal entries are immediately after the Paxil episode. I find the experiences I describe quite extraordinary. I have been reading a book called The Journey of Soul Initiation by Bill Plotkin. His understanding of how the world works and … Continue reading

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Traumatized Before the Age of Three

What makes it possible for humans to have “basic trust in a benign universe”? This is an idea that Kaethe Weinberg talks about in her book Common Shock. She wrote that “children raised in a “good enough” environment grow up … Continue reading

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Experience of Taking Paxil

Back in March I posted part of my journal from February 1996 that describes seeing Dr. Brunette to ask about anti-depressant medication. She prescribed Paxil, since I felt very untrusting of Prozac. I had a terrible experience.  The notes I … Continue reading

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One Wild and Precious Life

First posted in August 2010: I was thinking about the line from Mary Oliver: “What will you do with your one wild and precious life?” and how it always makes me feel bad, like I have wasted mine.  Well, have … Continue reading

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“I am Not a Bad Person, Bad Things Happened to Me”

I am so tired and so discouraged. Set the timer for 15 minutes to meditate.  Immediately my heart started to hurt.  Instead of trying to make it go away, I offered it as prayer.  The first time I’ve been able to … Continue reading

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