Category Archives: Trauma

Not Feeling at Home in My Own Body

From The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk, MD: “Traumatized people do not recognize their bodies as a source of pleasure and comfort or even as part of themselves that needs care and nurturance. When we cannot … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Trauma | Leave a comment

To Be Friendly Toward Myself

In Meeting this morning, someone read a poem by Mirabai about beauty.  I think about how the ability to perceive and enjoy beauty depends on brain chemistry.  I was very glad to find that out, because I thought I was … Continue reading

Posted in Healing, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on To Be Friendly Toward Myself

No Longer in Denial

I realized this morning that I have been badly triggered for weeks and in denial of it.  I saw that I was going back and forth between overwhelm and numb, but failed to get that that meant I never got … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on No Longer in Denial

What it feels like to be triggered

from my journal for May 6, 1992 Having a really hard time.  Dana & I tried to sort out the stuff on the back shelves preparatory to moving things into the new store room, but our styles of going about … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Trauma | Comments Off on What it feels like to be triggered

Losses of my Life

Continued from journal for February 18, 1992 What am I grieving for?  All the losses of my life.  I suppose I might as well list them.  And immediately, up comes that sense of boredom and criticism, who do you think … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma | Comments Off on Losses of my Life

Writing about Sorrow and Death

More from journal for February 18, 1992 Candle.  Cup of tea.  Bach B minor Mass. I want to write about sorrow and death.  I was going to listen to aap sahaee hoaa on earphones, but the tape is in the … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma, Writing | Comments Off on Writing about Sorrow and Death

Struggle to Take Care of Myself

The next three posts are from writing I did on February 18 in 1992.  I’ve been reading my way through my old journals in an attempt to integrate my younger self with my present self.  I keep being surprised at … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Trauma, Writing | Comments Off on Struggle to Take Care of Myself

Grief, Guilt, and Frustration

These two entries show how I use writing to understand better what I’m struggling with and that helps me to be more resilient. from my journal for Sunday, July 12 Today I found myself virtually immobilized by grief.  At first … Continue reading

Posted in Activism, Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Grief, Guilt, and Frustration

Totally Discouraged

From my journal: Tuesday, July 7 I’m having a pretty tough time.  The bite I got a couple of days ago, spider maybe, still itches badly.  I put Benadryl ointment on it several times and it didn’t help at all. … Continue reading

Posted in Guidance, Journal, Present Day, Spirit, Trauma | Comments Off on Totally Discouraged

Trauma as a Warp in the Space-Time Continuum

I don’t usually write about these kinds of ideas.  My early journals are full of them.  Sometimes I wish there was some way of conveying them to a scientist who would be interested in investigating them.  That’s a part of … Continue reading

Posted in Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Trauma as a Warp in the Space-Time Continuum