Category Archives: Depression

1995: I Want to Feel that My Life has Meaning

Posted on July 7, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for September 19, 1995 Last night I decided that I wasn’t going to fight my depression because there’s a way in which it feels restful. …  I see that what I want is not to be happy, … Continue reading →

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1995: Struggling with Health, Noise, Confusion

Posted on July 4, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for September 11, 1995 I want to write about my odd feeling yesterday and today.  I’m sure it’s at least partly the cold that makes me feel thick-headed and dazed, partly Dana being away that makes me … Continue reading →

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1996: Imprisoned by an Idea

Posted on June 30, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for January 28, 1996 Dana said something about “life moving in to fill every niche.”  It’s a lovely image, and it reminded me of what Beverly said about seeds wanting to grow — and I see the … Continue reading →

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1996: Realize that I HAVE made a Contribution

Posted on June 29, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for January 28, 1996 It’s possible that my life will make some sort of contribution to the world.  By participating in circle dance — keeping that going — by building Neskaya to support activities which would be … Continue reading →

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Healing the Heart

Posted on June 28, 2024 by jenny

I’ve been thinking about the change that happened when Tala did some acupuncture work on heart points. Basically, I started to feel “normal” — not scared, not sad — it took me a while to see that I was feeling … Continue reading →

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Traumatized Before the Age of Three

Posted on June 8, 2024 by jenny

What makes it possible for humans to have “basic trust in a benign universe”? This is an idea that Kaethe Weinberg talks about in her book Common Shock. She wrote that “children raised in a “good enough” environment grow up … Continue reading →

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One Wild and Precious Life

Posted on June 2, 2024 by jenny

First posted in August 2010: I was thinking about the line from Mary Oliver: “What will you do with your one wild and precious life?” and how it always makes me feel bad, like I have wasted mine.  Well, have … Continue reading →

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1996: How Do I Keep Going?

Posted on May 29, 2024 by jenny

These journal entries from 1996 are part of my long ongoing struggle against depression. At this time I was still married to Dana. February 13 Helpful talk with Dana this afternoon.  I was feeling so bad I just needed to … Continue reading →

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Alone, Cold, Empty

Posted on March 20, 2024 by jenny

Written in writing group, Monday, March 18 Well.  What’s going on?  I’ve been scared a lot this morning.  Mostly I’m worried about not being able to deal with complex arrangements around my surgery.  Not having to do with the surgery … Continue reading →

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1996: Dr. Brunette & Prescription for Paxil

Posted on March 19, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for February 7, 1996 I’m feeling some fear, most likely I’m scared of seeing Dr. Brunette this afternoon.  I find that I’m really terrified at the idea of taking an anti-depressant for the rest of my life.  … Continue reading →

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