Category Archives: Journal

Alone in an Empty Universe

From my journal for Thursday, September 24 3rd cup. coffee.  WholeHeart questions. The poem was about a lighthouse 1. Who are your light keepers? 2. What keeps you afloat? 3. How are you “keeping a light for those left out”? … Continue reading

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Not Feeling at Home in My Own Body

From The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk, MD: “Traumatized people do not recognize their bodies as a source of pleasure and comfort or even as part of themselves that needs care and nurturance. When we cannot … Continue reading

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Perspective on the Deupree Family

Kathi Brown was a really good friend from my years in California.  She and her family rescued me when I left a relationship that wasn’t working.  When I was in the Hospital at Davis after a breakdown, she came every … Continue reading

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Not OK to Feel Good About Myself

Reading through my old journals I come across stories like this one.  So painful, so sad.  At the time I couldn’t see that this was something I learned from how my mother treated me. I also, of course, thought that … Continue reading

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No Longer in Denial

I realized this morning that I have been badly triggered for weeks and in denial of it.  I saw that I was going back and forth between overwhelm and numb, but failed to get that that meant I never got … Continue reading

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What it feels like to be triggered

from my journal for May 6, 1992 Having a really hard time.  Dana & I tried to sort out the stuff on the back shelves preparatory to moving things into the new store room, but our styles of going about … Continue reading

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Turnaround

Last week I had a “turnaround.”  I finally got it that most of the misery and grief I feel is that of others who are suffering.  I’ve made this mistake most of my life, not realizing that I’m an empath, … Continue reading

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The Dance of Despair and Hope

I haven’t done a post in a while.  I’ve been going back and forth between despair and hope. The despair comes from the current political struggle, the question of the Post Office, Mitch McConnell’s ability to stymie political action on … Continue reading

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Losses of my Life

Continued from journal for February 18, 1992 What am I grieving for?  All the losses of my life.  I suppose I might as well list them.  And immediately, up comes that sense of boredom and criticism, who do you think … Continue reading

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Writing about Sorrow and Death

More from journal for February 18, 1992 Candle.  Cup of tea.  Bach B minor Mass. I want to write about sorrow and death.  I was going to listen to aap sahaee hoaa on earphones, but the tape is in the … Continue reading

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