Category Archives: Journal

Further Thoughts about “stuck in misery”

Most of this was written on Saturday, March 20 in my journal.  I’ve modified it somewhat. I woke up at 3AM still struggling with the question of being “stuck in my misery.”  I thought things like I won’t go to … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Spirit | Leave a comment

Disconnected

Sunday, May 2 At Hanover Meeting on Zoom.  Feeling badly disconnected. This is a result of my early trauma, and the social distancing. Dear Inner Divine Voice, I’m scared and lost and desperately need help. Dear Jenny, I am right … Continue reading

Posted in Guidance, Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Disconnected

“Stuck in Their Misery”

I got an email recently from someone who said I was “stuck in my misery.”  Feeling fortified by the knowledge that I hadn’t wasted my suffering, and knowing that our culture tends to blame people for their suffering, I didn’t … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Healing, Journal, Present Day, Spirit, Trauma | Comments Off on “Stuck in Their Misery”

Nika’s Story

I’ve been reading my journal for May 1993, and came to this description of a possible book about Nika, the artist part of me.  The original plan was to use journal entries about my attempts to express myself in art. … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Story, Writing | Comments Off on Nika’s Story

Yesterday and Today

Friday 3rd cup. coffee.  Going out with Mocha I did my best to say yes to everything.  Yes to cold, to wind, to frozen snow and dirty ice, to the call of a cardinal, to failure to see the cardinal, … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Spirit, Trauma | Comments Off on Yesterday and Today

“It’s not OK to be a baby”

The first draft for this post was done on December 28, 2020.  I think I must have got too sidetracked by the further lockdown and not talking to Erica over the holidays  to continue with it.  I see that it’s … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Trauma | Comments Off on “It’s not OK to be a baby”

Younger Parts of Me

In my therapy session for January 15, one of the things that came up was that the only thing that would have made Mother happy would be to not be my true self.  Younger parts of me are bewildered by … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Younger Parts of Me

Guidance from 1993

I’ve been reading my journal from 1993 and found many entries that resonate with this moment in my life. Alas, at this moment I am having a very hard time. I think due to social distancing, I’ve been triggered back … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Guidance, Journal | Comments Off on Guidance from 1993

The Blood-Soaked Bundle, November 1992

This is from my journal for November 1992.  I had no idea yet that I was dealing with PTSD, in fact I wasn’t even on medication.  This is an account of a therapy session with Karen Collins in Montpelier, who … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Story, Trauma | Comments Off on The Blood-Soaked Bundle, November 1992

Did it to be Mean

Reading over my last post I saw these two sentences: [Eleanor] “told Dana that she didn’t see how I could ask her to leave when her therapist was going to be away unless I was deliberately trying to be mean.  … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Story, Trauma | Comments Off on Did it to be Mean