Category Archives: Journal

Despite Very Little Joy, I Haven’t Quit, and I’m Not Alone

Slightly edited from my journal: Monday, June 29 I had been looking forward to B talking about her spiritual journey.  I knew she had had a hard time in her life, and I was really hoping for suggestions for things … Continue reading

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Self-betrayal

This is from my journal for May 1991.  It describes the process that Bessel Van Der Kolk called “Hijacking.”  “The big issue for traumatized people is they don’t own themselves any more.  Any loud sound, anybody insulting them, hurting them, … Continue reading

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Is Sorry Enough?

From my journal for May 25, 2020 Kesaya Noda sent the Hanover Meeting listserve a link to a piece by a doctor who’s working on the Navajo Reservation.  It’s an apology to a baby girl he delivered, wearing a mask … Continue reading

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Being Unmet

from my journal for Wednesday, May 20 I was feeling really awful yesterday.  It was like I had lost all the spiritual connection I’ve felt over the past months.  Somehow I was able to trust that it was real, it … Continue reading

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Working on Trusting Myself

From my journal for May 18, 2020 Crashed rather badly yesterday.  Not even sure what it was.  Well, there were a number of things.  Spontaneous Evolution was in a place that made me see how big is the danger that … Continue reading

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Frozen Terror from PTSD

I was amazed when reading through my journal for 1991 I found this: from Journal for April 25, 1991 I have been printing out copies of Ritual Year to send to people. When I glance through it, and see things like … Continue reading

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Feeling our Way, Intuition and Improvisation

From my journal: 3rd cup. coffee.  Yesterday was a good day, despite things “going wrong” like a Zoom meeting for a play reading that got hacked, a walk with the dogs that was cut short by rain, etc.   When … Continue reading

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A Day in the Life During Pandemic

Typing up Wednesday, March 25 a month later, which is when I usually do it.  It’s odd to go back a month and see how we were just starting to come to terms with the pandemic.  To see the fragmentation … Continue reading

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Invalidating and Trivializing my Experience

I have been reading my journal for 1986, and came across this entry about the noise phobia in November. I had a bad time with anger yesterday.  Feelings of rage kept surfacing, and I would let myself feel it, but … Continue reading

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I Can Trust MYSELF

from my journal for Thursday, April 16 3rd cup. Dandelion tea.  Richard Rohr says that real hope rests on a deep knowledge  and experience of God.  Because I have such a deep distrust of “God,” I see that my experience … Continue reading

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