Category Archives: Journal

“Bombed-out Village,” reprise

Posted on May 29, 2023 by jenny

Originally posted in November 2018 Wednesday, November 21, 2018 Thinking about talking with Erica about starting to tolerate — and even enjoy — the ordinary. For most of my life I was in too much psychic pain, I needed something … Continue reading →

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From 1994: Mom playing “Good Mother”

Posted on May 22, 2023 by jenny

November 1994 I made an appointment with a psychic and told her a little about what I was wanting, especially that I wanted to cut any strings remaining with mother.  Within the hour, the phone rang again and a familiar harsh … Continue reading →

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“A deep well of sadness”

Posted on May 17, 2023 by jenny

Writing done in group on Monday, May 15 A well of unprocessed grief “To be met!”  That’s what I said when I was doing somatic experiencing with Peter Payne.  He also did body work and I was sitting on his … Continue reading →

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From 1994: Needing to prove that I am “really sick”

Posted on May 16, 2023 by jenny

From my journal for 11/30/94  Talking to Dana this morning about the “unfairness” of having my life be so restricted by illness, and how unhappy it makes me, and how it would be easier if I could just accept it … Continue reading →

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“Both very good and very bad”

Posted on May 13, 2023 by jenny

From my journal for Saturday, May 13 So much color in the world!  Flowering trees — dark pink flowers with dark red leaves, white flowers so thick they hide the leaves — alas I saw no bees today.  Tulips, so … Continue reading →

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A Well of Unprocessed Grief

Posted on May 11, 2023 by jenny

For a number of days I’ve been feeling really awful. Empty and meaningless, lost in a world where there is no depth or soul. In writers group on Monday I tried to describe it. I thought maybe I was picking … Continue reading →

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Conversations with the Inner Teacher

Posted on April 17, 2023 by jenny

From my journal for Saturday, April 15 Dear Inner Teacher, I’m feeling very odd, and have been making some “mistakes” tho I’m not getting upset about them.  I do seem to have let go of trying to do everything “right.”  … Continue reading →

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“Let myself be myself”

Posted on April 14, 2023 by jenny

I’ve just been typing my journal from March 19 and came across this: I’ve been reading Rohr’s book on the 12 steps.  I feel so odd.  It seems like I’m already doing it, but if I am I should be … Continue reading →

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From 1994: “Choose to be Happy”

Posted on April 11, 2023 by jenny

From my journal for October 30, 1994 Woke feeling very depressed.  Hard to get out of bed.  Told myself it was just chemicals in my body and I had to go on with my life.  Held it up “as prayer.”  … Continue reading →

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From 1994: Prayer? Paradigm Shift? Manifestation?

Posted on April 7, 2023 by jenny

From my journal for October 26, 1994 I’ve been wanting to pray, but not knowing who to pray to, or even what to pray for.  I finally asked for clarity: to see the truth; for courage: to act on what … Continue reading →

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