Category Archives: Journal

Talk with Youngest Part

At least I think/feel it’s the youngest. She can’t talk so I have to sense her feelings. I was reading James Hollis’s book What Matters Most, and got to the part where he talks about doing what your soul wants … Continue reading

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“I Choose to Trust…”

From my journal for September 1994 and first posted in December 2022: And finally I came to see (again again) that this miserable wimp is herself my task, this person who is so sensitive and precariously balanced, who can’t even … Continue reading

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Confusing, Difficult Time

I’ve been having a really hard confusing time. Excerpts from some relevant journal entries: Friday, January 26   … this odd realization.  Something to do with if God is in everything, then I “am” God, if god feels my pain then … Continue reading

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Grief that’s Unable to be Mourned Because the Loss is Not Recognized

From my journal for May 15, 1994, posted on April 23, 2022 I feel empty and heavy inside, back to the bombed-out house, carrying the burden of grief.  Standing on the sidelines, watching the enormous pageant of life-and-death — clouds, … Continue reading

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1996: Description of Very Early Trauma

From my journal for February 5, 1996 I’ve been trying to live as though I were going to die soon, and of course that brings me right back to the present moment, to being in the present as much as … Continue reading

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1996: Work with Conflicts

From my journal for February 5, 1996 I wanted to write down the number of conflicts I’ve been experiencing: MOVEMENT <—> STILLNESS     I know that exercise is important in combatting depression.  I’ve found that getting up and moving … Continue reading

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Help from Inner Teacher

Dear Inner Teacher, I’m feeling lost, confused, disconnected, uncomfortable, irritable.  I really need some help! Dear Jenny, relax.  Your meditation of imagining a prostration on the out breath, of emptying your self, or demonstrating “Thy will be done” — with … Continue reading

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Self-pity, Anger, Compassion, Gratitude

This morning as I walked Mocha in the bitter cold, my knee aching, she turned back very quickly, and pulled, which I find so difficult.  I started feeling sorry for myself, then I got angry at myself for self-pity, then … Continue reading

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Early Trauma and Knee Pain

This blog is about living with PTSD, so what’s the point of writing about my sore knee?  I did a post about it on December 27, but then I thought it wasn’t directly relevant. It turns out that I am … Continue reading

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1996: Grief About Neglect When I was a Baby

From my journal for February 2, 1996 I spent most of my session with Karen crying.  I told her about the awful pain I woke with Tuesday morning and how everything that I could hold on to had disappeared.  I … Continue reading

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