Category Archives: Trauma

Struggle with Being Stuck

Posted on August 15, 2012 by jenny

(Written in December 2008, at Kripalu for retreat with Jack Kornfield) I’m having a very hard time.  I’m feeling profoundly discouraged.  I keep thinking “I can’t go on.” Then I try to put it aside and refocus on my breath.  … Continue reading →

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Life is Difficult and Painful

Posted on August 8, 2012 by jenny

(Written in December 2008) I’m afraid to tell people how badly I’m doing for fear they will be angry at me.  I feel like I’m stuck in a narrow hole in a deep frozen place — Dante’s Hell.  I feel … Continue reading →

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Struggle with Belief & Guidance

Posted on August 6, 2012 by jenny

(Written in May 2004) Struggle with belief: If I don’t do what someone wants, then I don’t care about her.  Mother drilled this belief into me.  So when my caring for someone and my need for autonomy* are in conflict … Continue reading →

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“Archeology of the Soul”

Posted on August 3, 2012 by jenny

As I continue the project of converting old journals, I find surprising validation for how hard I was working, and for my intuitive sense that there was more to my story.  So amazing to read of my struggles to understand … Continue reading →

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More from 1992

Posted on July 10, 2012 by jenny

From my journal for May 1992 I start to feel scared and totally blasted —  it’s the old familiar panic — can’t breathe, can’t make my mind focus, can’t make decisions.  Feel totally overwhelmed.  Also feeling that unpleasant combination of … Continue reading →

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Guidance

Posted on May 19, 2012 by jenny

Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I’m feeling pretty bleak.  Tears behind my eyes, my heart cold and heavy.  Please help me!     Dear Jenny, we love you very much.  We are sorry that it’s being so hard right now.  You … Continue reading →

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Continued Struggle

Posted on April 7, 2012 by jenny

(Written in September 2010) Woke scared & sad.  It’s grey and it rained in the night so all the fall colors are glowing.  Yesterday was tough.  I cried so much with Karen that I got a headache.  Caryn would have … Continue reading →

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Guidance

Posted on April 4, 2012 by jenny

(Written in December 2010) Dear Guides & Guardians, I’m feeling a little blue.     There, there, Little Jenny, it’s right to mourn that so much of your life’s energy was wasted — at first just trying to survive, then trying … Continue reading →

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The War on Women

Posted on March 14, 2012 by jenny

Spent a lot of yesterday reading At the Root of this Longing; reconciling a spiritual hunger and a feminist thirst, by Carol Lee Flinders.  Horrified by being reminded of one mechanism that keeps patriarchy in place: that sociopaths kill women … Continue reading →

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Five of Water

Posted on March 4, 2012 by jenny

(Written in June 2004) Day started badly.  Found bank deposit that I prepared before I left for Kripalu & forgot.   I feel out of control.  This scares me because it looks like a coping strategy that has served me all … Continue reading →

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