1996: The Feast of Hecate

Written on August 14, 1996.  I was on a retreat with Deena Metzger on the south shore of Massachusetts.  It was the Feast of Hecate, and we planned to do a ritual at night. This piece of writing is partly fiction, partly real.

She woke in the night.  A hooded figure was standing in the room.  It was the Feast of Hecate.  It was time to join her sisters.  She rose and dressed in dark clothing, purple and blue.

She took with her a rose hip as an offering, and a tiny bubble of a shell that she would plant, after the new moon, as a seed of a new beginning.  The bubble shell had come to her as she walked along the shore, crying out to god about how difficult this passage was, and when would it be over.  The voice said “You will always be doing this work.  but — it gets easier.”  At that moment she saw the shell embedded in a drift of seaweed and knew it was to be her seed for the ritual.

In the dark, her hood over her head, she walked down to the shore.  The wind was blowing strongly from the north and she could smell the salt.  A long pier stretched out into the water.  She could see other hooded women standing and moving along the pier.

As she walked out its length, the wind blew more strongly, shredding her cape and tearing large patches out of her body.  She felt pieces of herself ripped out and flying down the wind.  The clean wind and the salt blew through the holes.

The sound of a flute brought her back.  It was playing a song she knew and she began to sing “Tis a gift to be simple …  to turn , to turn, it will be our delight til by turning, turning, we come round right.”  And then “I danced in the morning when the world was begun …  I am the Lord of the Dance said she.”

She moved past the flute to the open space at the end of the pier where women wrapped in blankets and shawls were gathered in a circle.  Some were sitting , some standing, facing inward to where a candle had once burned but had blown out in the wind, or facing outward to the sea and the strange lights of night.  The women were singing a wordless chant, voices rising, falling, overlapping.  Sometimes a melody or a word would emerge clearly and then fade back into the continuous sound.  Nika moved to the far side, her back to the sea, and joined her voice to those of her sisters.  After a while she felt the need to go down on her knees.  Across the circle a chant was taking form, almost Native American in shape.  Nika picked it up softly, allowing her body to move back and forth.  The chant grew in her throat to a repeated cry  Eeeee — ah — oooo, o — o — way, o — o — way…  Others joined her.  The chant flared and faded and was done.  The soft voices continued, calling the names of god.

Nika bowed her head down to the boards.  She prayed for healing, for herself and for the planet.  She prayed for help, that she might more completely embody gentleness, patience, and reverence in her life.  She prayed for the energy of her vision to fill the bubble shell seed — a vision of a small green world, where people cared for each other and for the natural world with patience, gentleness, and reverence.  Then she stood and turned outward to the sea.  “Here is my offering, Hecate” she said and tossed the rose hip outward.  She could hear the tiny splash over the voices of the wind and the sea and the women who were still chanting and felt that her offering had been accepted.

She walked back to the shore and down to the sand facing north into the wind.  She chanted the names of the goddess: Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna, over and over.  She had thought to toss the bubble-shell-seed onto the water, but feared for the dissolving and loss and drowning of her vision.  She thought of planting it in the sand, but that seemed too cold and sterile an environment for something so fragile.  So she walked back toward the house and went to the garden.

She walked in through the arched gate and bowed to the pool.  It was dark and no stars could be seen.  It took her a moment to orient to the directions.  She decided to plant the seed in the east, the place of new beginnings.  She walked across the grass to the flower bed and crouched down.  Stretching out her hand she felt low leaves and tall thin flowers.  She reached down to touch the soil and felt soft rich crumbly earth.  Digging in her fingers, she scooped up a handful, placed the tiny fragile shell in the hole, covered it and patted it down.  A safe nest, a soft bed.  Be well, my tiny fragile hope.  Carry my vision through this dark time and bring it to flower in some other world.  She stood up to find the touch of leaves against her face.  Lifting her hands, she stands in prayer while the tree traces a sacred symbol on her forehead.

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Painful Relationships

Written with a friend. We wrote together for 20 minutes, and then shared. I have been reading about my relationship with my ex-husband Dana in my journal for the summer of 1996, and posted quite a bit about it.  See post for August 7 for an example.

This is what I wrote:

Reading all the stuff about Dana & me struggling with our lack of sexual relationship is painful.  Especially since I hadn’t been able to work on it in therapy.  I thought I had been sexually abused when I was a baby, but nothing clear ever came up.  It was only after the divorce that I realized that the problem had been due to early trauma, caused by being left alone too much as a baby.  I knew I had been left alone, but I didn’t realize that just being left alone could traumatize a baby.

The other thing that came up really surprised me.  I did line dancing this morning and we did a waltz that I’ve done to the Tennessee Waltz.  That wasn’t the music he played, but the song was there in my head.  “Introduced her to my loved one and while they were dancing, my friend stole my true love from me.”  It brought back all of the pain from the summer I was 17.  I heard that a young man who had met me at a party was interested in me.  It turned out that he was visiting the family of a friend of mine whose summer home was in Biddeford Pool.  So I was delighted. I thought that Pete wanted to be with me and we would have a romance.  He took me out for a hamburger, and sitting in the car, started talking about this girl he met that he found very attractive.  I thought he was talking about me, but in fact he was talking about my friend Diana.  It was such a shock.  I don’t know what I said.  I came home and collapsed.  There was no one I could tell.  So I spent the rest of the summer watching their romance.  I had no one I could tell about it, so that’s why I began writing a journal.  

It’s so funny, I haven’t thought about it for ages.  I thought I had left it behind.  But I suppose, like other painful memories it’s not completely gone, but can be reawakened.  It’s funny, in some ways it feels more painful than the breakup with Dana.  That feels really over.  I did have to forgive him, not for the divorce, but because he so completely rejected me after it was final.  Later I read something in an Elizabeth Goudge novel that helped.  She says “We hate those we have injured because they make us feel despicable.”  That pretty much closed it for me, which may be why it feels old and dead, but the Pete & Diana story seems still very present.

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March 1976: The Journal is Center

(written in March 1976 and initially posted in July 2012)
Today I felt very depressed and sick.  The old fear came back, fear of the ringing phone, of the sun and wind outside.  I went looking for an escapist book, but could not find one.  So I decided to read my journal — have been toying with the idea of asking a friend to read it, but keep thinking it’s childish and valueless and stupid.  So I read the Mimi journal, Apollo’s book, everything typed up to the pages in Ondine.  It was staggering!  I have returned to the center of myself.  The insights in those pages!  The truths that I am now coming to believe completely that are expressed as intuitions even as far back as the Mimi diary.  The description of Don Quixote as the man trying to make the vision live in the world, and the recognition of MYSELF as the one I was talking about.
I used to find it discouraging that I had expressed things so long ago that I am still struggling to believe, to make real in the world.  Now I find it an incredible proof of my powerful intuition, which has always seen the cosmic truths, even when my intellectual and reasoning self couldn’t.  And a sudden strong sense of myself, not as a linear life in time, but as an expanding sphere, continually expanding on all fronts and continuously returning to center.  The journal is center, because it is the place where I come in touch with my “past” self, the effort of my life is not to write the journal but to learn how to read it.

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1996: Praying for Help Loving, and Being Answered

From my journal for July 20, 1996

I’ve been praying to the God of Love for help.  I don’t know if I wrote about it — last time maybe driving back from Beverly’s I was again in that awful place of the purely material world with no spiritual energy in it — the trees waving their beautiful glittering green leaves, just the surface, no love in it, no connection and my heart like a stone.  I decided that even if the Power that made the Universe was indifferent, even malevolent, just grinding out trees and rocks and planets and abusers and blood and death indiscriminately, that there still had to be a Deva of Love somehow, somewhere, there had to be such a being.  And that’s where I want to offer my service, not to the Creator but to the God of Love.  Then I had a qualm — how could the God of Love want my service, unworthy miserable creature that I am.  Then I had to laugh at myself, surely any “god of love” worthy of the name would not spurn any offer of service at all.  So then I asked for help in learning to love because that seemed to me to be the only worthwhile thing to do with my human life.

Got back to an immediate need to be loving and was able to do it!

I got back from that drive to a very upset Dana and he told me that he had been having sexual feelings for Annette since he went to visit her at her house, and that that morning she had told him she was aware of his feelings and she didn’t want to have an affair.  So he came home, feeling completely rejected and despairing, the old wound of Cate opened up again.  Fortunately, it was easy to be there for him, my heart just went out to him, I wasn’t hurt or angry, I just held him and let him cry.  Lynelle came over later and was a big help, because he was doing that kind of compulsive crying where everything seems to stop that I always find so scary.  I’m afraid he’ll go off into the void and not come back.  But Lynelle was able to get him to talk about it, and with her there I wasn’t so scared that he would get lost.

Dana and I have been trying to process the difficulty in our relationship due to the fact that I have been unable to be sexual. I had been trying to find some reason for this difficulty, possible sexual abuse as a child? without success. It will be several years and after the divorce that I find out the problem was having been traumatized as a baby.

Trauma has to do with the reptilian brainstem, where the instinct of fight/flight/freeze is located. “Triggering” happens when some event reminds the being of the traumatizing experience. When triggered, it’s as though it’s happening again, in fact as far as the brain is concerned it is happening again. The instinct to fight or flee kicks in, but if the being can’t fight or flee, the default is freeze. If you are traumatized very early, a baby can’t fight or flee, so the body goes to freeze. Not only anger and fear can trigger the reflex, but sexual arousal will as well. When I am sexually aroused, my reptilian brainstem goes to freeze. That’s why I was unable to be sexual. Unfortunately I would turn on, and then freeze which was very frustrating.

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1996: Thoughts about “God” as “Universal Process”

From my journal for July 11, 1996.  I’m visiting my friend Randi in the southern part of New Hampshire.

It occurred to me, looking at Randi’s beautiful mezuzah by her door, that I would like to make such a thing for the doors of my house, inscribed with words of blessing.  I’ve been trying to think what would be the right words.  Cousin Mary’s three prayers: Lord have mercy, Thee I adore, into Thy hands.  They seem more possible now, since I’ve had that vision of the universal process that created galaxies, and the song of the thrush, and people like Dana, Lynelle, Randi — a universe that’s struggling to create — well perhaps not struggling — a universe that is creating more complexity, beauty, diversity, compassion through experiences like mine.  I am one of the ways the universe learns how to do this.  Therefore: Universal Process have mercy on my frailties.  I am in awe of your enormously complex beauty.  I offer myself to this process.

Cousin Mary is a character in the Elizabeth Goudge novel The Scent of Water. “I offer myself to this process” is a mantra given to us at Kripalu. I found it very useful for many years when I could not say “Thy will be done” because my view of god was so negative and judgmental.

I think the lines from Job that I love so much: “Canst thou bind the sweet influence of Pleiades or loose the bands of Orion?“  Thou who made the Pleiades, and the stars of Orion, Thou who made the laws of gravity and of plasma physics, Thou who art so huge that my littleness is like a grain of sand on the floor of the ocean, and yet Thou who art so complex, who has created my complexity as mirror to your own — how can I fail to be astonished at my own amazing complexity, most of which is as far beyond my control as the movements of the Pleiades.

And here’s Paul, the blind writer, more comfortable at night because he needed the calm and quiet for the deeper concentration called for by his way of working.  “The mysterious power that commanded men appeared to him to ask of them only obedience and the maximum of effort, and to remain curiously indifferent as to results.” 

Paul is another character in The Scent of Water.

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Sacred Circle Dance

This quote is from an article by Katie Carr about the Sufi Dances of Universal Peace. It was posted on the blog of Dr. Jem Bendell.

In an era where many feel disconnected from others and from themselves, these dances provide a sacred space where individuals can come together, bringing awareness to how our attachment to judgement and competition keep us separated and entangled in our stories of the ‘Other’. The simple act of joining hands in a circle, moving rhythmically to the sounds of sacred music, creates an immediate and tangible sense of belonging. Participants often report feeling an instant connection with those around them, regardless of their background or beliefs. This sense of community is not superficial; it is rooted in the shared intention of peace and the mutual recognition of our shared humanity.

We do the Dances of Universal Peace, along with many traditional folk dances and newly choreographed dances by many different people, in the Sacred Circle Dance that I taught at Neskaya before I moved to Kendal. What she says about the sense of community that is created is exactly what happens at Neskaya when we do circle dances.

One important feature of International Folk Dance is that the dances are rooted in the countries they come from. Doing them is a way of celebrating diversity instead of fighting about it.

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1996: Ongoing Struggle with Plane Noise

From my journal for June 16, 1996

I’m playing Darrone because if I think of this as a battle, as a shamanic ordeal, then it’s easier to do.  Otherwise I think of myself as a hypersensitive coward who freaks out at stuff that most people don’t even notice.  I’ve got the earphones on my head, because I get so little warning, but not in my ears because it’s painful.

Darrone is a warrior’s dance from Armenia.

Bottom lines:

(1) My hearing shows a distorted pattern.
  The AIT is designed to correct that pattern.
We don’t know what the results will be for my mental health.

(2) It’s OK to be scared, it’s OK to not know.
      It’s OK to be not quite here.

(3) Personal feelings are of no consequence.  I’m working to build a more robust personality for the next incarnation.

I was wondering about my difficulty being relaxed and comfortable, my difficulty taking in good things in my life, good things that I had created.  I think when in my childhood did I feel safe enough to take in good things from my environment, how often was enjoyment snatched away — by mother’s jealousy? that wouldn’t let me have anything of my own?  by unpredictable alcoholic parents whose reactions had nothing to do with what was going on for me?  I think about events when I learned that it wasn’t safe to feel comfortable with what I had: Dad helping me learn to ride a bicycle and letting go of me before I had confidence in my own abilities, laughing at the horrified look on my face.  I think of Mom, that day on the porch when I was glad she had something to interest her, and she turned to me with that vicious remark and cut me to ribbons.  I wonder how often she did that to me in my childhood when I had some look on my face, expressive of comfort? relaxation? that she interpreted as complacency? disinterest?   ??   I’ve no idea.

Later I realized that the only thing that would have satisfied mother would have been if I had become a Colonial Dame.

O yes, I was thinking about what reason did I have to expect that happiness would be snatched from my grasp, and I think about my twelve years training in this house, for four months in the summer, that it wasn’t possible to be relaxed for more than a few hours before the snarl of a plane would come slamming in and catapult me into severe depression.   So many times when I had relaxed — It’s cloudy now, or it’s late in the day, surely they won’t fly again — and bam! one comes out of nowhere.  So I learned that it’s not safe to relax, I have to be always on edge, always defended, always prepared to defend myself against invasion, invalidation, and humiliation.  Well that does sound like my childhood doesn’t it?  This thing with the planes is just recreating it.

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Nova in Corona Borealis

Last Wednesday my friend Sharon and I got together to write. We usually write for 20 minutes and then read what we’ve written. Sharon had a page of a local paper to show me. It talked about a star which would be going nova soon. So I wrote about what I had learned as an Astronomy major in college. After I got home, I checked the web and discovered that T Coronae Borialis goes nova every 80 years. The word “nova” means “new” in Latin, and centuries ago, an exploding star would suddenly appear in the sky and observers would think it was a new star because they didn’t know it was an old one exploding.

Here’s what I wrote:

We were looking at the newspaper.  They’ve been watching a star that will go nova soon.  They said it will be as bright as the North Star — which isn’t hugely bright but should be noticeable.  It will be near the constellation Corona Borealis, Northern Crown, which is easy to find from the Big Dipper.  What I would like to know is how they know it’s getting ready to explode.  Something about how it’s siphoning off hydrogen from a nearby star.  I suppose the mass of hydrogen will condense and eventually create a thermonuclear explosion, which is generally how stars start.  A cloud of hydrogen gas condenses, and the density and temperature rise as it condenses.  Eventually the temperature reaches one million degrees and sets off an explosion which is a source of electromagnetic radiation.  The radiation is absorbed and re-emitted until it emerges at the surface of what is now a star, as electromagnetic radiation of a whole spectrum of wavelengths, some of which are visible to human eyes.        … and there was light.  And it was evening and it was morning, the first day.  Of course, that’s only if you’ve got a planet to observe from. If I were describing our sun, it would be a long time before the planet cooled enough to have hard rock floating on the surface. On our planet, continents of hard rock float on a core of molten rock. 

Once upon a time, I had an astrophysics textbook where a chapter began “In the beginning there was hydrogen.” My mind went on to “and the hydrogen was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep…” and I went on to write something that I called Genesis II.

If what we’re describing is an ordinary star becoming a nova, conditions are somewhat different.  The star is also burning and putting out some light.  If the star was small to begin with, like our sun, it will one day use up its fuel and die.  If it’s a bigger star, when enough hydrogen has burned into helium, which has been gathering at the center of the star, the helium will get denser and hotter until it does what the hydrogen did before it, explodes, and the whole star expands into a red giant with two sources of energy: hydrogen burning into helium, and helium burning into lithium.  Depending on the initial mass of the star, it will go on burning, with successive layers burning into beryllium, boron, carbon…  or at some time it will blow up.  In fact, it’s very necessary for it to blow up, so the original hydrogen becomes seeded with more heavy elements.  A second generation star, like our sun, has a different history and can even develop planets.  Eventually planets will produce life.

Note that there would be no life on Planet Earth if some earlier star had not produced carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, and then blown up and scattered them into the primordial hydrogen, so that the second generation stars would condense out of clouds containing all these other elements.

The story of the star in Corona Borialis is that it is a white dwarf paired with a red giant. The white dwarf is very heavy and sucks hydrogen gas off the red giant. Eventually, after 80 years or so, the amount of hydrogen gas becomes enough to explode away from the dwarf, creating the bright nova spectacle. It disappears after a few days, and the cycle starts again.

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1996: Auditory Integration Training

From my journal for June 16, 1996

Note: AIT stands for Auditory Integration Training. I hoped it might limit my extreme reaction to the noise of the planes.

I’m not looking forward to today.  I didn’t want to get out of bed, not that that would do any good.  I don’t feel scared, just hopeless.  I can’t imagine that the AIT will work.  I’m trying very hard not to have any expectation.

Sybil said yesterday “try affirmations” — I wanted to vomit — what am I going to say?  “Everything is going to be fine”?  “The AIT will work to adjust my hearing and the planes won’t bother me any more”?  Well, actually, that one sounds possible — I do have some evidence that this is what’s wrong, and there’s evidence that the method works.  What I don’t like about affirmations is the feeling that I’m lying to myself.  The other thing I thought of yesterday is that the anti-depressant “didn’t work” and yet everything was very different afterward.

But I can’t say that things were any better. I struggled with fear and it got worse to the point that I couldn’t sleep more than 90 minutes, I lost weight, etc. But this fallout from trying Paxil hadn’t become obvious yet.

It’s a beautiful day, cool, sparkling, blue sky, sun through the leaves dappling the table where I sit.  I can feel  myself holding back, unable to contact it, unable to really be in it, because of the fear that if I let myself enjoy anything, it will immediately be snatched away.  I feel such an ache in my heart.  There is only the pain of loss.  There is no ability to enjoy the present.  I feel like I’m trying to snatch moments of beauty between bombing raids, but I’m too sick with fear to be able to do it.  I know that human beings do have this capacity, but I don’t know how to learn it.  I suppose I could have that be a vision: I want to live in the present moment.  Yes, I suppose really that is the complete vision for my life — it goes along with wanting to really live my life, be engaged, involved, not be always holding back, or trying to be in the future.

And current reality is that I find it hard to be here, that I’m sick with fear, that no matter how hard I try to be in the present moment — well, no, the present present moment contains loss and discouragement as well as the beauty of the day.  It would be a lie to pretend otherwise, a false expectation that the present moment will always contain pleasure or happiness.

Talking to Dana — I said I wanted to live in the present moment.  He said he thought that was a process, not a goal.  What would I have, or imagine I would have, if I could live in the present?  I imagine that I would be able to enjoy the enjoyable things in my life.  Dana says phrase it as “I want to enjoy the enjoyable things in my life.”

The “process/goal” distinction is an important one in DMA, which is a course in creating your life developed by Robert Fritz. Actually, given that I mostly feel pain in the present, wanting to “be present” doesn’t make a lot of sense. Wanting to enjoy enjoyable things makes a lot more sense. I have no idea what I’m up against. I’m suffering from severe depression rooted in early trauma, and it will be several more years before I understand what happened to me.

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1996: Co-counseling

From my journal for June 15, 1996

[A friend and I are doing co-counseling, each speaking for 20 minutes]

I really enjoy watching this wonderful process of “organic thought,” how it starts out meandering and groping, and yet seems to come full circle in the specified time.  This experience is giving me more faith in the process, that we don’t have to “know,” that we don’t have to be direct and logical, we can just let the process take us where we need to go.

“We can just let the process take us where we need to go.” I think about how long it has taken me to be able to say “Thy will be done.” I needed to change my image of God to a compassionate being, not the “capricious, malicious and willful” being based on my alcoholic parents. One stage on the way was the mantra they gave us at Kripalu: “I offer myself to this process.”

What did I do in my turn?  O yes, I also wanted to talk about my vision, or lack of it, for my life.  I didn’t have the journal notebook, so I tried to repeat what I wrote over a week ago and read to Sybil last week.  I said I wanted to be engaged with my life (and thought as I said it how that was what was so wonderful about Thursday — that I felt really rooted in my real life — and what’s so painful about losing it to the airplanes.)  I groped around to express my vision of the Divine, the Deva who could support me in my individuality, the one who is not malicious or mean, but who is wild, enormous, unpredictable, creative, beautiful, and glorious, and who would satisfy my soul’s longing.  I ended by feeling the shock of airplane fear in my gut and saying “But I lost it all, it’s gone, I’m just scared of the airplanes and back to my litany.  I say to myself:

It’s OK to be scared.
It’s OK to not know.
I’m not supposed to know.
Things can get better even if I don’t know how to do it.
There are an infinite number of second chances.”

My litany is a series of phrases my counselor, Karen, gave me for dealing with my fears of not knowing what to do about being triggered into terror by the sounds of the airplanes.

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