I’ve been having a bad time. This morning I woke up feeling utterly bleak. I recite all sorts of meaningless phrases. “Great Beings, have mercy on me.” “May all beings be held in lovingkindness.” It doesn’t help. I can’t manage “I choose to trust…” That’s how bad it is. So I asked Inner Teacher for help.
Dear Inner Teacher, I feel so discouraged. I’m in a world where evil wins out over good, where people are able to destroy their planet, and all of their fellow human beings, and there’s no opposing force in the Universe. Please help me.
Dear Jenny, you are caught in a younger part. One who is helpless and has been rejected yet again. Her parents are not bad people, but they are immature and alcoholics. They do not understand her at all, and teach her dysfunctional ways of being in the world. “Don’t think you’re so great.” “If you didn’t know how, why did you try?” Your older self knows better. Your older self notices helpful things in Elizabeth Goudge. Your older self believes Demaris when she says she felt spiritual energy with Arnie, like the energy she felt with David when he was dying. Dying is a spiritual experience, it is not just the end of a being, but a transformation. Also, when Erica says your work on yourself helps the collective, you know that is true. You can trust your knowing that Demaris and Erica are talking about a spiritual realm that is real.
Thank You. That eases my heart.
Went looking through my blog for pictures of Little Jenny. The one of me at 12, I look so sad. Someone who has been hurt and who expects to be hurt again. No hope of being understood, of being met as who she really is. Because how do you know who you are unless someone meets you directly and reflects you back to yourself correctly. Jalaja: “Passion, devotion, creativity and sweetness.” Elizabeth: “Vision, commitment, generosity.”