Category Archives: Journal

Do the failures matter?

Posted on November 30, 2020 by jenny

I’ve actually been feeling better since I acknowledged that I’m too tired to do much of anything, and stopped making myself wrong for not getting things done.  Stopped pushing myself. from my journal Wednesday, November 25 Another amazing talk with … Continue reading →

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Non-Relationship with Mother

Posted on November 29, 2020 by jenny

I went back to look for the Thanksgiving in 1991 to find out why we hadn’t joined the rest of the family in Florida.  I don’t mention that, just that we did spend Thanksgiving with Dana’s parents.  But I did … Continue reading →

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What I learned from the Retreat

Posted on November 25, 2020 by jenny

This was written the day after the final day of the Courage and Renewal Retreat. Normally, when I post things I’ve written in my journal, I either edit them, or add material to explain some of the references.  Today I’m … Continue reading →

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Despair

Posted on November 22, 2020 by jenny

From my journal for Friday, November 20 I wish I didn’t wake up in the morning feeling so tired and discouraged and meaningless.  “May all beings be held in lovingkindness.”  But I have no sense of love, or kindness, or … Continue reading →

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Major Trigger

Posted on November 18, 2020 by jenny

I usually type up my journal about one month later.  It often gives me some perspective that I didn’t have when I wrote it.  Recently I typed up this: from October 14 The part of me that’s behind my inability … Continue reading →

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The “Gift” of Life

Posted on November 16, 2020 by jenny

I am doing a Retreat with the Courage and Renewal folks. It’s called “Tending to Our Grief in Autumn” and is similar to the one I did in person in Burlington last January.  Except that this one had to be … Continue reading →

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Healing

Posted on October 29, 2020 by jenny

From post for October 2003: The pain in my heart is so great — there’s something about this deep level that’s so difficult.  I suppose because I’m so practiced at making myself wrong and turning away from this kind of … Continue reading →

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Wisdom from my Younger Self

Posted on October 20, 2020 by jenny

Reading my journal from decades ago, I am sometimes astounded at things I realized, that somehow got lost — I suppose because they didn’t fit my “worldview.”  Here’s an example: June 24, 1992 I never wrote that yesterday, after the … Continue reading →

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Pressure to “Prove that I Deserve to Live”

Posted on October 10, 2020 by jenny

I’ve been reading through my journal from the beginning.  These two entries really impressed me as describing a dynamic which I have been coming to know well.  I have called it “keeping going through a blizzard” and “false urgency.”  It … Continue reading →

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“Dead” Bulbs Come Back to Life

Posted on October 4, 2020 by jenny

From my journal: Thursday, September 17 The most amazing thing has happened!  I went to water the plants while my second cup of tea is brewing, and the two narcissus bulbs that never sprouted have put out green shoots! Resurrection … Continue reading →

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