From my journal for Friday, November 20
I wish I didn’t wake up in the morning feeling so tired and discouraged and meaningless. “May all beings be held in lovingkindness.” But I have no sense of love, or kindness, or the vast compassion Elizabeth Goudge talks about. There are people dying of COVID and insisting it’s cancer. People believing and spreading any number of lies and disinformation. I guess that’s what hurts the most — the mangling of truth, of integrity. I once vowed allegiance to the God of Love, even if the God of Power was stronger. I suppose it’s time to renew that vow, even in the teeth of the evidence that Power is winning. Of course, Power isn’t winning, because Power is destroying everything worthwhile, and it will all end in darkness. I’m sitting here, physically comfortable and helpless to change the fact that the ship is sinking. That’s what it looks like, right now, from here.