Category Archives: Trauma

Deep in the Pit

Posted on September 12, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) I feel dazed and trapped in a small space, unable to move.  It feels like there is shaking or quivering in my upper body that’s just on the edge of happening.  Tried dancing but it didn’t … Continue reading →

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Despair

Posted on September 7, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) Tried the Heart Flow again but nearly fell asleep so I got up & danced hoping it would help.  The damn dog next door with the high-pitched bark irritates me — I try to bring compassion … Continue reading →

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Compassion for myself

Posted on September 6, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) Put on the Oratorium CD.  Sitting on the floor, moving with grief, pain in the heart, lack of hope — walking out into the desert with the fragments of a culture, knowing that it’s most likely … Continue reading →

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Five Stages of Trauma

Posted on August 17, 2011 by jenny

Reading Levine again, I see that he actually defines 5 stages of trauma.  Most of us know that we have an instinct to preserve life that manifests as “fight or  flight.”  Not many people realize that there’s a “default”instinct that … Continue reading →

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The Collapse Phase

Posted on August 12, 2011 by jenny

Written yesterday Hard to get out of bed.  Feeling — not exactly depressed — but some sense of no future, or of getting through the day being a chore.  Lonely?  I know I didn’t feel like this at Dance Camp.  … Continue reading →

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Understanding Barry

Posted on July 12, 2011 by jenny

In healing from trauma I’ve had to experience a lot of feelings, some of them really horrible combinations of terror & despair & helplessness.  I remember once, feeling the worst pain I had ever felt, I don’t even remember now … Continue reading →

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“The First Home”

Posted on June 26, 2011 by jenny

It’s been quite a while since I posted entries relating to the breakdown I experienced in the fall of 2008 and the winter of 2009.  You can catch up with these by clicking on the link for “breakdown.” (Written in … Continue reading →

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Asking for Help

Posted on June 4, 2011 by jenny

(Written in February 2009) Very hard to get up this morning.   I’m tired & nauseous & weak & have no energy or enthusiasm for doing anything.  I did send the email asking for help to Janet, and similar ones to … Continue reading →

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Terrified

Posted on May 31, 2011 by jenny

(Written in January 2009) Woke in fear, took 50 Seroquel, later took .5 Ativan.  So now I’m sleepy.  And nothing to say.  Nothing to hold on to any more either — I’m totally bereft of resources — I didn’t even … Continue reading →

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Bad Night

Posted on May 30, 2011 by jenny

(Written in January 2009) A bad night.  Yesterday was pretty horrible.  Long stretches of no meaning, waves of discouragement and despair.  I keep bringing my mind to the present moment, or to a prayer or affirmation.  It takes everything I’ve … Continue reading →

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