Category Archives: Present Day

Despair

Posted on November 22, 2020 by jenny

From my journal for Friday, November 20 I wish I didn’t wake up in the morning feeling so tired and discouraged and meaningless.  “May all beings be held in lovingkindness.”  But I have no sense of love, or kindness, or … Continue reading →

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Losing Ground

Posted on November 19, 2020 by jenny

I’ve been losing ground since I first stopped changing the hangings at Neskaya eight times a year, for the holidays of the Ancient Nature Religion of Western Europe.  I didn’t even notice when that began to happen, I guess I … Continue reading →

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Major Trigger

Posted on November 18, 2020 by jenny

I usually type up my journal about one month later.  It often gives me some perspective that I didn’t have when I wrote it.  Recently I typed up this: from October 14 The part of me that’s behind my inability … Continue reading →

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The “Gift” of Life

Posted on November 16, 2020 by jenny

I am doing a Retreat with the Courage and Renewal folks. It’s called “Tending to Our Grief in Autumn” and is similar to the one I did in person in Burlington last January.  Except that this one had to be … Continue reading →

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Healing

Posted on October 29, 2020 by jenny

From post for October 2003: The pain in my heart is so great — there’s something about this deep level that’s so difficult.  I suppose because I’m so practiced at making myself wrong and turning away from this kind of … Continue reading →

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What can I do with what’s left?

Posted on October 13, 2020 by jenny

Today I had a really hard time.  Because of COVID, there are a number of offerings on the internet, talks, webinars, ongoing classes, all of which are of potential interest to me.  I start to feel overwhelmed, and then a … Continue reading →

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“Dead” Bulbs Come Back to Life

Posted on October 4, 2020 by jenny

From my journal: Thursday, September 17 The most amazing thing has happened!  I went to water the plants while my second cup of tea is brewing, and the two narcissus bulbs that never sprouted have put out green shoots! Resurrection … Continue reading →

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Rewriting My Life

Posted on October 1, 2020 by jenny

From my journal for yesterday: WholeHeart:    poem is Making Peace by Denise Levertov “If we restructured the sentence our lives are making.” The sentence my life is making.  It definitely needs to be restructured. Trauma becomes initiation. Abuse becomes … Continue reading →

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Alone in an Empty Universe

Posted on September 24, 2020 by jenny

From my journal for Thursday, September 24 3rd cup. coffee.  WholeHeart questions. The poem was about a lighthouse 1. Who are your light keepers? 2. What keeps you afloat? 3. How are you “keeping a light for those left out”? … Continue reading →

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To Be Friendly Toward Myself

Posted on September 20, 2020 by jenny

In Meeting this morning, someone read a poem by Mirabai about beauty.  I think about how the ability to perceive and enjoy beauty depends on brain chemistry.  I was very glad to find that out, because I thought I was … Continue reading →

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