Monthly Archives: March 2011


(Written in August 2008) Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m having a pretty hard time.  Please help me. Dear Jenny, we love you.  We love you very much.  We are so sorry that this is being so hard, but it … Continue reading

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Breakdown 2008

In the spring of 2008 I was feeling pretty good.  I thought that the thyroid supplements had taken care of the depression and I didn’t need to keep taking medication.  So I started reducing my dose of imipramine.  I also … Continue reading

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“You were never that way”

My mother did not know how to forgive, and so I learned that I was unforgivable.  If I did something “wrong” there was no way I could make amends.  This resulted in some odd behavior that I see as shameful … Continue reading

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I’ve been thinking about redemption since I wrote yesterday’s post.  It’s not a word I use.  But it’s the only word I can think of to describe those moments of relief when one’s most shameful secret is told to a … Continue reading

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Elizabeth Goudge

Elizabeth Goudge is a British writer who published 16 novels in from 1936 to 1970.  She also wrote short stories, children’s books, and books about Christianity.  I was lucky to find her during a period of severe depression, and lucky … Continue reading

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Nancy Napier

(Written in September 2008) A little better this morning.  My heart still hurts but I’m not experiencing the same depth of despair.  Yesterday I was reading Nancy Napier’s chapter on despair where she talks about sending a line of light … Continue reading

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Theater Workshop

(Written in August 2008) I want to think a little about what I didn’t get from the drama workshop.  I think I was wanting to celebrate my strength in getting as far as I have — it was the same … Continue reading

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Angry at Myself

(Written in September 2008) I’m worried that Bella’s medication isn’t working.  I listened to Napier tapes which sometimes provide relief.  I’m extremely angry at myself for being so stupid as to try to get off meds, and changing Bella’s food.  … Continue reading

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Frozen Despair

(Written in August 2008) Still doing very badly.  Bella has a bladder infection.  Kayla drove me to Littleton to get the medicine because I couldn’t drive.  I’m feeling very weak & shaky. Woke early & used the Salzberg CD. Prayed … Continue reading

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(Written in August 2008) Took 100 mg of Seroquel last night.  Woke after 3 in a state of complete self-hatred, frozen self-rejection.  Bella peeing a lot again after seeming a little better.  I’m so angry at myself for possibly wrecking … Continue reading

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