Breakdown 2008

In the spring of 2008 I was feeling pretty good.  I thought that the thyroid supplements had taken care of the depression and I didn’t need to keep taking medication.  So I started reducing my dose of imipramine.  I also signed up to take the Nia training.  Nia intrigued me because it was based on yoga, martial arts and dance — exactly the three movement arts that we started with at Neskaya.  So I went to Albany, New York to do the training with Casey Bernstein. I was staying at the home of another Nia teacher.  The first day of the training I walked out the front door and slipped on wet steps, hitting the middle of my back on the corner of a stair and knocking the wind out of me.  I should have known enough from my Somatic Experiencing training to let myself shake and cry, but the social pressure from the others was too much.  So I pulled myself together and went on with the training, despite the fact that my ribs felt like concrete, and I periodically felt too awful and had to lie down.  On the other hand, I really enjoyed doing so much dancing during the day, and I learned a lot.  I felt really proud of myself as I drove home.
I went to my chiropractor and saw Kevin Frank and thought I was doing OK.  At first my energy level was really good.  So I signed up for a drama project called “Telling my Story” and for Circle Dance Camp in Wentworth, New Hampshire.  I started having trouble sleeping and remembering things.  At one point in September I remember that I was feeling “beyond tired”.  Then I had a night of no sleep at all, and suddenly was terrified and unable to function.  A friend drove me to my psychiatrist and she put me on Seroquel (which was the hot new drug).  Later it turned out it was making me nauseous, but at first it seemed to help.  The last few months of 2008 and the first few months of 2009 were horrible. Several times I considered going into the hospital.  My psychiatrist took a leave of absence without recommending anyone – it was just as well because I was finding it hard to trust her.  My emotional anchor therapist, Karen, in Montpelier found me somebody new and good.  He got me back on imipramine and off seroquel, but it took a long time.