Category Archives: Depression

“Stuck in Their Misery”

Posted on March 21, 2021 by jenny

I got an email recently from someone who said I was “stuck in my misery.”  Feeling fortified by the knowledge that I hadn’t wasted my suffering, and knowing that our culture tends to blame people for their suffering, I didn’t … Continue reading →

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Guidance from 1993

Posted on February 16, 2021 by jenny

I’ve been reading my journal from 1993 and found many entries that resonate with this moment in my life. Alas, at this moment I am having a very hard time. I think due to social distancing, I’ve been triggered back … Continue reading →

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The Blood-Soaked Bundle, November 1992

Posted on January 20, 2021 by jenny

This is from my journal for November 1992.  I had no idea yet that I was dealing with PTSD, in fact I wasn’t even on medication.  This is an account of a therapy session with Karen Collins in Montpelier, who … Continue reading →

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How this Blog helps me Keep on Keeping on

Posted on December 18, 2020 by jenny

From my journal written in September 2010, and posted in April 2012 as Struggle with Self-Hate I cooked rice but I wasn’t able to eat breakfast.  Called Karen.  She said not to “shame & blame” myself, but of course I’m … Continue reading →

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Needing to be Heard

Posted on December 14, 2020 by jenny

This was originally posted in March 2012 (journal entry from June 2004) A really bad night.  Dogs barking, didn’t call cops.  My heart just ached.  I tried to bring compassion to it without success.  It’s slap in my face how … Continue reading →

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Non-Relationship with Mother

Posted on November 29, 2020 by jenny

I went back to look for the Thanksgiving in 1991 to find out why we hadn’t joined the rest of the family in Florida.  I don’t mention that, just that we did spend Thanksgiving with Dana’s parents.  But I did … Continue reading →

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Losses of my Life

Posted on July 29, 2020 by jenny

Continued from journal for February 18, 1992 What am I grieving for?  All the losses of my life.  I suppose I might as well list them.  And immediately, up comes that sense of boredom and criticism, who do you think … Continue reading →

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Writing about Sorrow and Death

Posted on July 28, 2020 by jenny

More from journal for February 18, 1992 Candle.  Cup of tea.  Bach B minor Mass. I want to write about sorrow and death.  I was going to listen to aap sahaee hoaa on earphones, but the tape is in the … Continue reading →

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Struggle to Take Care of Myself

Posted on July 27, 2020 by jenny

The next three posts are from writing I did on February 18 in 1992.  I’ve been reading my way through my old journals in an attempt to integrate my younger self with my present self.  I keep being surprised at … Continue reading →

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Coalesce, Confluence, Confusion…

Posted on June 20, 2020 by jenny

Books I’ve been reading, recent news, posts on the internet, images that come to mind…  all have been coming together in a pattern, or almost a pattern, or maybe an almost combination that’s con-fusing…   To me, con-fusing suggests melting … Continue reading →

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