Category Archives: Depression

Struggle with Self-Hate

Posted on April 6, 2012 by jenny

(Written in September 2010) I cooked rice but I wasn’t able to eat breakfast.  Called Karen.  She said not to “shame & blame” myself, but of course I’m comparing myself to Diane who’s “glad to be alive”, who faced life-threatening … Continue reading →

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Struggle with Depression

Posted on April 5, 2012 by jenny

(Written in September 2010) Lynelle said she had a good visit with her friend Diane, who she hasn’t seen for a while.  She said Diane had lost both breasts, but was glad to be alive.  Lynelle said she had a … Continue reading →

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Guidance

Posted on March 15, 2012 by jenny

Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I’m pretty bummed out and VERY TIRED.  I don’t know if I’m tired because I’m depressed, or depressed because I’m tired.  Just getting through the day feels like a chore that takes everything I’ve got.  … Continue reading →

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The War on Women

Posted on March 14, 2012 by jenny

Spent a lot of yesterday reading At the Root of this Longing; reconciling a spiritual hunger and a feminist thirst, by Carol Lee Flinders.  Horrified by being reminded of one mechanism that keeps patriarchy in place: that sociopaths kill women … Continue reading →

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Little Jenny with the Dar Gorani Look

Posted on March 13, 2012 by jenny

This picture was taken when I was six years old.  Alas, I lost or mislaid the original, so this is a scan of a copy — not very high quality. “Little Jenny with the Dar Gorani look” was named by a … Continue reading →

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Depression

Posted on March 6, 2012 by jenny

(Written in November 2004) Woke feeling bleak.  Hard to get out of bed.  Dizzy at first.  Feeling very low in my heart.  Thinking that death would be a relief, it’s just too hard to live.  And yet there’s nothing particularly … Continue reading →

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Five of Water

Posted on March 4, 2012 by jenny

(Written in June 2004) Day started badly.  Found bank deposit that I prepared before I left for Kripalu & forgot.   I feel out of control.  This scares me because it looks like a coping strategy that has served me all … Continue reading →

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Having a Hard Time

Posted on March 3, 2012 by jenny

(Written in June 2004) A really bad night.  Dogs barking, didn’t call cops.  My heart just ached.  I tried to bring compassion to it without success.  It’s slap in my face how little control I have.  I can’t even stop … Continue reading →

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Using Depression in Service to Spiritual Practice

Posted on February 7, 2012 by jenny

I wrote in the post on Depression and the Dark Night that I had used my depression in the service of my spiritual practice.  I want to think what I meant by that.  At least in the beginning, Depression was … Continue reading →

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Taking care of myself

Posted on January 30, 2012 by jenny

(Written in September 2006) Yesterday, I made a conscious decision to take care of the traumatized baby — to make her my first priority — that was partly why I lost myself in a book — because that’s the only … Continue reading →

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