Category Archives: Depression

Bleak and Dark Inside

Posted on July 6, 2017 by jenny

From my journal for October 2003 I’ve been writing and run out of things to say.  I’ve finished my tea.  I don’t want to move and I need to go on with my day.  There there Jenny, what you are … Continue reading →

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Pattern of Overdoing and then Crashing

Posted on July 5, 2017 by jenny

October 2003 Put on the Oratorium CD.  Sitting on the floor, moving with grief, pain in the heart, lack of hope — walking out into the desert with the fragments of a culture, knowing that it’s most likely I will … Continue reading →

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Struggle with Emptiness/Meaninglessness

Posted on July 3, 2017 by jenny

This was written on October 11, 2003, which happens to be my mother’s birthday. She died in November, 2001. Woke feeling scared — tried asking it but nothing happened.  Tried bringing compassion to it, sitting next to it — no … Continue reading →

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Trying to Work with Fear

Posted on July 2, 2017 by jenny

I’ve been reading my journal for 2003.  For several years I had just been typing up the guidance writings, but in 2003 I started typing up more from my life.  This was written in October 2003 Feeling so sad about … Continue reading →

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Eight Learnings

Posted on April 2, 2017 by jenny

Written on Saturday, January 2, 2016 I had a number of learnings, things I suddenly saw were true, late in 2015.  I decided to write them all down.  I planned to take one every day and think about it.  And I … Continue reading →

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Insight —> Endurance —> Action

Posted on April 1, 2017 by jenny

I spent my time with Erica talking about the good things that I’ve been doing spontaneously: taking apart the puzzle that’s been there for three months, playing music that I haven’t listened to for years, starting to meditate regularly, being … Continue reading →

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What it’s like to live with PTSD

Posted on March 27, 2017 by jenny

This is a series of journal entries from June 2016.  I think it gives an immediate sense of what my life is like. Driving home it was a glorious day, blue sky, white clouds, green trees, enough breeze to make … Continue reading →

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Struggle with Old Patterns

Posted on March 26, 2017 by jenny

I’ve been reading over my journal for 2016, trying to see if there’s any pattern to my life.  This was written in June.  It’s an example of how I work to understand something through writing. While I was at Barbara’s, … Continue reading →

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Pictures of Little Jenny

Posted on March 4, 2017 by jenny

Wednesday, March 1 Tough morning.  Very hard to get up.  I’m feeling grief — but it’s more stuck grief — o god do I have to do this again?  I prayed for help but nothing came.  Yesterday’s session with Erica … Continue reading →

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A Co-dependent Child

Posted on March 1, 2017 by jenny

The original title of this post was about my denial.  Fairly soon after I had saved the first draft, I realized that it wasn’t really denial.  Denial is when you are faced with evidence, but refuse to believe it.  The … Continue reading →

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