Category Archives: Trauma

I Feel Pain Because I Love

Posted on August 17, 2017 by jenny

Last Saturday I didn’t have any human contact all day.  I typed a lot of journal, played a lot of solitaire.  Washed a bunch of dishes.  Dumped a puzzle on the table & started turning pieces right side up.  I … Continue reading →

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Feeling Unreal

Posted on August 8, 2017 by jenny

For the last few days, I have been feeling “unreal.”  I went back in my journal trying to find where I first started to feel that.  July 17 was the first time I wrote something like “I don’t feel like … Continue reading →

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PTSD and Dharma?

Posted on July 9, 2017 by jenny

I’m very grateful that I’ve been reading Stephen Cope’s book The Great Work of Your Life.  I’ve read it before, but this time many things spoke to me in a very personal way. I’m wondering about looking at my struggle … Continue reading →

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Pattern of Overdoing and then Crashing

Posted on July 5, 2017 by jenny

October 2003 Put on the Oratorium CD.  Sitting on the floor, moving with grief, pain in the heart, lack of hope — walking out into the desert with the fragments of a culture, knowing that it’s most likely I will … Continue reading →

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Struggle with Emptiness/Meaninglessness

Posted on July 3, 2017 by jenny

This was written on October 11, 2003, which happens to be my mother’s birthday. She died in November, 2001. Woke feeling scared — tried asking it but nothing happened.  Tried bringing compassion to it, sitting next to it — no … Continue reading →

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Grandmother Patches

Posted on June 10, 2017 by jenny

We were going to do a “Grandmother Ceremony” at Neskaya in May.  One of our dancer/teachers was going to be 70 this May, so she spent a lot of time putting together the event.  Alas, two of the four of … Continue reading →

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Being Present to the Beauty of Nature

Posted on June 7, 2017 by jenny

For a long time, because of trying to heal PTSD, and opening up all the pain I have been dissociated from, I was unable to enjoy the beauty of Nature as I had when I was younger.  Things are changing. … Continue reading →

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My Life is Worthwhile

Posted on June 4, 2017 by jenny

Feeling pretty good this morning.  (!)  I think it’s from the realization that my life, just as it is, is worthwhile.  It’s hard, but I don’t mind hard if I’m doing something meaningful.  A job worth doing.  Before doing the … Continue reading →

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Tough Time

Posted on May 28, 2017 by jenny

Sunday, April 28 I’m going through a very difficult time.  The bad news from the outer world doesn’t help at all.  I feel like I’m living in a war zone.  I am living in a war zone, between the people … Continue reading →

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My Adolescent Self

Posted on May 17, 2017 by jenny

Sunday I had been thinking about some words from my journal for the 60’s  “Well tranquillized for complicated return to P.A.”  I don’t remember what happened that caused me to run to my aunt & uncle in Hillsborough. but I think … Continue reading →

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