Category Archives: Journal

What it’s like to live with PTSD

Posted on March 27, 2017 by jenny

This is a series of journal entries from June 2016.  I think it gives an immediate sense of what my life is like. Driving home it was a glorious day, blue sky, white clouds, green trees, enough breeze to make … Continue reading →

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Pictures of Little Jenny

Posted on March 4, 2017 by jenny

Wednesday, March 1 Tough morning.  Very hard to get up.  I’m feeling grief — but it’s more stuck grief — o god do I have to do this again?  I prayed for help but nothing came.  Yesterday’s session with Erica … Continue reading →

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Guidance

Posted on February 18, 2017 by jenny

I don’t know when I stopped asking my Guides and Guardian Spirits for guidance.  I didn’t stop consciously for some reason, I just stopped and only realized it when a lot of time had gone by.  Recently I was with friends, … Continue reading →

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Resistance to Feeling My Pain

Posted on February 16, 2017 by jenny

Saturday, January 14 Woke up early feeling scared.  Not terror — this is ordinary scared.  In fact I’m starting to wonder if how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days isn’t how I used to feel all the time. … Continue reading →

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Trying to Integrate the Past

Posted on February 16, 2017 by jenny

Thursday, January 5 Feeling a little cranky, angry? unhappy?  No, I think there’s anger there.  The old anger “I have worked so hard for so long…” I’m lost and confused.  I don’t understand what’s going on with me.  I’m not … Continue reading →

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Step One: admitted that my life is unmanageable

Posted on February 8, 2017 by jenny

Written a month ago, but explains very well what I’m feeling now. Feeling a little wobbly and a little nauseous.  Gosh — I feel scattered and confused.  What does it need?  A container.  Can’t seem to focus or to collect … Continue reading →

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Struggle to Lift My Heart

Posted on February 2, 2017 by jenny

Rosten, quoted by Fox, in Hildegard:  “The purpose of life is not to be happy.  The purpose of life is to matter; to have it make a difference that you lived at all.”  p xi I like that a lot, … Continue reading →

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Attachment Wound

Posted on January 9, 2017 by jenny

Ache in my heart.  Ache in my whole torso.  Empty.  Without meaning.  I think “It doesn’t have to be this way.”  I remember being at Kindred Spirits and feeling OK. Erica called this “the attachment wound,” this being alone, without meaning, … Continue reading →

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May 1970

Posted on December 17, 2016 by jenny

Yesterday I said to my therapist “I have the illusion that I’m not a loving person.”  O my.  Words that come out of my mouth like that are true.  So I have to really get it.  Reminded me that once, … Continue reading →

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To be Loved or Hurt?

Posted on December 15, 2016 by jenny

Monday I told Lynelle that I couldn’t imagine that Erica could help me.  I have an appointment with her tomorrow.  Lynelle suggested I have a conversation with the part that is trying to protect me.  Who is the one in … Continue reading →

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