Category Archives: Trauma

Defeated by Life

Posted on March 8, 2011 by jenny

(Written in August 2008) I’ve stopped trying.  I feel completely defeated by life.  I’m on a death march, and I want to keep going as well as I can, to strengthen my comrades, or at least not be a nuisance, … Continue reading →

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Exhausted

Posted on March 7, 2011 by jenny

(Written in August 2008) (This is part of the ongoing series describing my breakdown that started with the entry for March 4, 2011.  I haven’t been able to deal with this material before without getting extremely anxious.) Karen thinks I’m … Continue reading →

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Why Go On?

Posted on March 6, 2011 by jenny

(Written in August 2008) Why go on?  This is a serious question this morning.  Not that I would try to kill myself today.  My chest hurts, it’s grey out, I’m deeply discouraged. The Planet I love is in deep trouble, … Continue reading →

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Bleak

Posted on March 5, 2011 by jenny

(Written in August 2008) I’m in some very bleak place staring at a very bleak truth.  I really don’t believe that I have any worth or value in myself, I really profoundly believe that the people who are my “friends” … Continue reading →

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The Downturn

Posted on March 4, 2011 by jenny

(Written in August 2008) Kayla helped me open up about feeling discouraged and disappointed and ineffective and I finally was able to cry.  I’ve been “soldiering on” since the Nia training, and the tears have been building up.  I talked … Continue reading →

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Radiant Priestess

Posted on March 3, 2011 by jenny

(This was written in July 2008, just before I crashed really badly.  I had been feeling so much better, and I thought I had “really gotten there” i.e. arrived at a place of health and strength.  But I was actually … Continue reading →

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Reading Old Journals

Posted on March 2, 2011 by jenny

(Written in July 2008) Reading 1987 is fascinating and painful.  I’m struggling with the plane phobia — doing a lot that I hope will help: DMA Structural Consulting, David Grove Workshop, NLP — also blaming myself and trying to figure … Continue reading →

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Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Posted on February 23, 2011 by jenny

(Written in May 2008) We watched Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.  I hadn’t realized that Ellen Burstyn was Vivi — current Vivi — she did a great job.  There was also child Vivi and young mother Vivi.  Made it … Continue reading →

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Fight or Flight, or… Freeze

Posted on February 17, 2011 by jenny

Many people don’t know that the instinct to preserve one’s life has a default setting.  When we’re in a life threatening situation, our body gears up for a massive use of energy.  There’s a shot of adrenaline, the heart & … Continue reading →

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Scared & Discouraged

Posted on February 16, 2011 by jenny

(Written in January 2006) Woke scared this morning.  Called Karen who called back pretty quickly.  She asked about yoga, art, writing for guidance.  I told her I’d done all those and gone out on snowshoes too.  She said then I … Continue reading →

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