Category Archives: Trauma

1997: How My Writing Has Changed

Posted on October 6, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for September 29, 1997 So how has my writing changed?  Being “literary” is no longer top priority.  I no longer find myself thinking “This is one of the great journals of the world,” no longer fantasize someone … Continue reading →

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1997: Impossible Setup

Posted on September 14, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for March 13, 1997 It’s so sad…  Dana has had too many experiences of women who wouldn’t or couldn’t make love to him, and I’ve had too many experiences of being replaced by someone else, starting with … Continue reading →

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Struggling with Confusing Feelings

Posted on September 9, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for Sunday, September 8 The CAC [Center for Action and Contemplation] today was on forgiveness.  I realize I have to forgive D——   — I’m not even sure for what — for not valuing me?  If that’s … Continue reading →

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1997: Stories about Mother

Posted on September 5, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for March 2, 1997 I think I want to talk to Dr. Rankin about mother: “of course you wouldn’t care about the Colonial Dames” After Daddy’s funeral she was poisonous, I went to the minister, put her … Continue reading →

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1997: Frozen Terror

Posted on September 4, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for February 21, 1997. This is just after I’ve taken my first dose of Imipramine. The dose is too low to make any difference. It’s possible that the fear was triggered by my experience on Paxil. And … Continue reading →

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1997: The Oneness of Perpetrator and Victim

Posted on August 28, 2024 by jenny

from my journal for January 8, 1997 Dana said “Drugs are no escape” and described a man he had once had to arrest— he was drunk, his body deteriorating, his emotions out of control, he obviously had not escaped the … Continue reading →

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1996: Praying for Help Loving, and Being Answered

Posted on August 7, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for July 20, 1996 I’ve been praying to the God of Love for help.  I don’t know if I wrote about it — last time maybe driving back from Beverly’s I was again in that awful place … Continue reading →

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1996: Thoughts about “God” as “Universal Process”

Posted on August 5, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for July 11, 1996.  I’m visiting my friend Randi in the southern part of New Hampshire. It occurred to me, looking at Randi’s beautiful mezuzah by her door, that I would like to make such a thing … Continue reading →

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1996: Ongoing Struggle with Plane Noise

Posted on August 2, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for June 16, 1996 I’m playing Darrone because if I think of this as a battle, as a shamanic ordeal, then it’s easier to do.  Otherwise I think of myself as a hypersensitive coward who freaks out … Continue reading →

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1996: Auditory Integration Training

Posted on July 31, 2024 by jenny

From my journal for June 16, 1996 Note: AIT stands for Auditory Integration Training. I hoped it might limit my extreme reaction to the noise of the planes. I’m not looking forward to today.  I didn’t want to get out … Continue reading →

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