I wrote this in December 2005: I’m feeling very angry and resentful that I’ve worked so hard for so long and don’t have any rewards. Well, there are some rewards, they’re just few and far between. I’m angry that I’ve built a good life for myself and am not able to enjoy it. I’m resentful that other people are out there having fun and I’m not able to. I also remember reading down the list of “Choices made by extremely happy people” and realizing I’ve made all of them. (They mostly had to do with taking responsibility for one’s life.) So why am I not happy? I “should” be happy, I’ve done many things “right”. So either I’m, at some level, choosing not to be happy for some perverse reason of my own, or I’m up against brain chemistry which I have no control over, or I’m struggling with some major physical disability that hasn’t been identified. Not having energy really leaves me vulnerable to depression.
In February 2006 I went to see Dr. Vreeland in Norwich, Vermont. He’s been able to help a lot of people who hadn’t been helped by the standard medical practice. He does live blood cell analysis which I really like because you can see exactly what’s happening in your body. I took him some blood tests I’d had done the year before, trying to find out what was causing my low level of energy. He looked at the tests, looked at me, and said “I think you’re dealing with low thyroid. Has your temperature always been low?” My jaw dropped to the floor. Yes, my temperature has been 96.8° for as long as I can remember, and no doctor has ever commented on it. He had me take my armpit temperature in the morning before I started moving. Some days it was as low as 94°. He also suggested I read a book “Hypothyroidism: the Unsuspected Illness“, which was published back in the 60s. The author, Broda Barnes, talks about all the illnesses that can be caused by low thyroid. The symptoms mimic those of depression. Before I started taking Imipramine, they tested the level of thyroid hormone in my blood. It was low but within the “normal” range. But Barnes says the symptom that really counts is low temperature.
Dr. Vreeland says of the low thyroid condition that when my blood sugar is low the adrenals kick in and then some complex thing happens which he called “hormonal pingpong” — that explains the wierdness of my symptoms. He did the live blood cell study — there were my red corpuscles, mostly round with strong cell walls, a few white cells, one “killer cell” which looked a little dragonish. He said my blood looked good, that I had done a great job with diet — that made me feel great! So I have hope — more hope than I’ve had for a long time.
Dream: people are coming into the room as tho to a party/celebration. Then I’m talking to a woman in a green dress who is a friend, not particularly close tho. I tell her about the thyroid condition. She says she always secretly thought that I was lazy. She wants me to tell the whole group, she says “We’ll make room for your performance this evening.” Then she calls out to the whole group: “Here’s a woman in her third blooming.” They all clap and cheer. Then we go out a door to a garden space where some people are playing musical instruments. To our right doors are open into a room where people are dancing. On our left is a man playing a fiddle. The woman in green introduces him — he’s tall, dark, dressed in dark clothes, with a craggy face, gypsyish — he takes me by the arm and walks me into the room, saying “I’ll see you properly ballroomed.” We join the other couples who are lining up as though to do a contra dance.
Goodness! “Third blooming.” I like the idea.
It’s so amazing. My energy is much better since Dr. Vreeland told me what’s going on — and also his confidence that he can fix it. Relief and hope together have made a huge difference in how I feel.
I notice now that I actually felt better just knowing about the condition, before I even started taking the supplements. This is the effect of morale that Byron Brown talks about.