(Written in August 2009)
Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m feeling pretty discouraged, and badly disconnected from the strong and healthy parts of my life. Can you help me?
Dear Jenny, we love you. This is temporary, you will come out of it. You do need to be connecting with your support people, and continuing to do the grief work. We remind you that Beverly is out of town and Caryn is unavailable. This is difficult because you are doing the same work that Katie found so difficult — traumatized parts of you are trying to get it that help is always available, and love is always available, but it hasn’t been internalized yet. You can get it when you are with Caryn, but not when she’s not there. The youngest and most traumatized parts of you haven’t developed the capacity to take in the love and caring that are available to you. Patience, dear Jenny. Keep on with what you have been doing. You will heal.
Note: there comes a time in infancy when the baby begins to get it that mother is still there even if she’s out of sight. At this time the baby will start playing “peek-a-boo” as part of the learning process. In a way what is happening is the baby is internalizing an image of the mother which provides safety, warmth, etc even when mother isn’t there. Both Katie and myself are struggling with exactly this issue, how to internalize a positive image of “mother” when the mother figure isn’t there.