Lonely

(Written in August 2009)
I’m feeling bleak. I haven’t been able to connect with any of the people on my support team.
Beverly D called late yesterday in response to my message. We had a good talk. She’d love to have me visit some time. I seem to be OK when I’m with someone, it gets hard when I’m alone. That’s different from in the past. It used to be if I was depressed, it was almost harder to be with people because I’d still be depressed.
I’m feeling sad & despairing & lonely. I’ve done everything I can to find someone to just be with, with no result. I don’t think it’s that my friends are tired of me, but I’m feeling pretty discouraged. I can see this is exactly how a baby would feel if Mom left her alone. She can’t do anything for herself, all she can do is cry and hope someone will come. But too often either crying doesn’t work, or she gets yelled at. So even the thing she can actually do doesn’t work. There, there, Little Jenny. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Because of it, you are badly wounded, and badly hampered in your efforts to live a healthy life.