Seligman talks about the pessimistic worldview which sees that problems are “permanent, pervasive, and personal,” and describes the “ABC technique” for dealing with each element one by one.
From my journal for December 21, 1995
I had a bad night last night. I was able to get to sleep, but woke about quarter of one feeling just awful. It was hard to tell whether it was physical or psychological. I felt a degree of irritability that’s beyond anything I’ve felt before — I tried to do the ABC technique, but I concluded that I didn’t know what was causing my feelings, so I couldn’t convince myself that it was temporary. I see that illness is pervasive, that’s not a belief, that’s a reality, it does significantly undermine most other areas of my life. And as for whether the cause is external or personal, that’s hard to tell too — do I feel so awful because I’m coming down with flu? because I ate potatoes for dinner? because I’m too pessimistic? I forgot to add menopause into the equation. I also see that illness is an experience of being attacked by one’s own body, so it feels like something about me that I can’t change — permanent, pervasive, personal. No wonder I have such a hard time with being sick! And it’s a vicious circle if the pessimistic feelings affect my immune system in a negative way. …
It’s interesting that the belief that I have caused something gives me the illusion that I can make it stop, but it also restricts me to what I can do and what I know about. Then I say that illness is an “experience of being attacked by one’s own body” but I seem to have no idea that the body has healing powers of its own.
This morning it was more clear that I was “just sick” instead of eternally damned, I had a headache at the back of the head, a slight sore throat, and was more ache-all-over than irritable. … I went to talk to Dana, and all my horrible feelings just bubbled up and boiled over. He was a little upset that I was so upset, talking about stopping eating etc, and also annoyed with me for talking so fast and compulsively that he could hardly think about what I was saying. But he was able to bring a more balanced viewpoint to the ABC format and that helped a lot. On the score of permanence, he said I’m just sick, it’s a different virus because the symptoms are different, I’m often sick, vulnerable to many illnesses, but I’m not always sick, I do have times of feeling better. I see that a belief comes into play that if I don’t know what’s causing it, if I don’t know what to do to make it better, then it won’t get better. I have no faith in any process other than my own active intervention.
“Stopping eating” is one of my methods for committing suicide, still a possibility. The other method, a little interfered with by global warming, is to walk into the woods on a freezing night and just lie down in the snow.
On the score of pervasive, it’s true that illness affects every aspect of my life, but it’s also true that that’s only for today, I don’t know about tomorrow. I see that one of the painful things about being sick is that I feel sick so often, have so little energy, that most of the things I can do I’ve already done. I have no book to read, I’m tired of writing, typing into the computer is painful, etc. It occurred to me that I could work on the 3-D puzzle today — that would be fun! Perhaps I could intersperse it with short bits of work organizing my desk or reshelving books. I can’t remember what we said about the personal/external dimension, except for uncovering the belief that if I don’t do it, it won’t get done, which certainly makes any problem to which I can’t see the solution look permanent instead of temporary. Dana suggested focussing on today: “Today I’m too sick to go to Montpelier” and not even thinking about tomorrow. Good advice.
The belief that “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done” goes back to my parents refusal to help me with anything I was trying to do. My father told me “If you didn’t know how to do it, why did you even try?” I remember thinking “what happened to if at first you don’t succeed, try try again?” but didn’t realize the power of a parent. I think this contributed to the pattern of “concluding I can’t do it” when something went wrong with a process I was trying to complete.
The 3-D puzzle was St. Basil’s Cathedral. After I completed it, I used it for a centerpiece for a program of Russian dancing.