This is from my journal for November 27. I just typed it up, and am finding it VERY helpful.
Dear Inner Teacher, I am having a very hard time. Feeling miserable. Please help me.
Dear Jenny, Remember that you are surrounded by spirits who love you. You might try making a list of things you are grateful for. Also think about more “failures” that were actually soul moves. Something you forget is how much misery you have lived with due to early trauma and what was essentially emotional abuse from both parents. Try taking a “big step back” and look at this Jenny who is feeling so miserable, whose father told her “you want to be miserable,” who has gone through a tremendous amount of pain in her life. The fact that most of her pain has been invisible to most people around her does not make it less meaningful than obvious pain like poverty or jail or physical abuse. Look at that Jenny with compassion.
Thank you. Yes, I can see her with compassion. And the demon of dull misery that dogs her steps, I can love him too.
It helped at the time, but it also helped a lot when I typed it up yesterday. I was able to find a lot of compassion for myself, and for my aging body. I was even able to treat Mocha kindly when she got me up at 2AM wanting to go out. Last time she did that, I was very angry at her.
I also wrote a list of things I’m grateful for.