(Written in March 2009)
Yesterday was pretty bad — severe nausea all day. Barbara came & agreed to come stay for a few days. She’ll help with food & housework & walking the dog. What a relief.
If only I could feel some love instead of this stony lostness.
I am creating for myself well being every day.
I am getting better every day.
I am doing the best I can.
2PM. Turkeys appear. I am in a healing process.
I am in a healing process. Kayla suggested that I needed to be saying/thinking something affirmative so this is the one I’m using most.
I’m so tired. Barbara is being a huge help — cooking meals & washing dishes. Having someone to eat with really keeps the nausea at bay.
Session with Caryn:
Feeling lost is because I’m dismantling very old and dysfunctional coping strategies.
Feeling disconnected from Neskaya etc is because those things I really care about have to be uncoupled from effort effort.
Allow myself to notice that I’m asking for help and receiving it.
Allow myself to notice and be curious about things that are different.
Notice: I’m no longer so scared and lost when I express the really deep old feelings.