(Written in February 2009)
I’ve started asking God to please show me what to do. I’m trying to surrender my life into his/her/its/their hands — I can’t do this so you must. Please, if there is any meaning or value to my life, it there’s any contribution I’m supposed to make to the welfare of the planet, please show me what to do and please heal me so I can do it.
Actually no nausea yet today. But I have been feeling extremely lost and weak. I was too tired to walk the dog & had to ask a friend to do it.
I’m again considering being hospitalized. It’s just being too hard to keep going and my brain is not working very well. I worry about what I would do in the hospital — no Bella, no friends, no books, no puzzles —