(Written in March 2009)
Feeling pretty bleak. Disconnected from everything meaningful. How does that feel in my body? It’s a flat grey feeling, like cardboard, no life, no energy. It’s so painful to be in this state. I tell myself Barbara is here and I’m not alone, but I can’t feel it.
Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m having a pretty hard time. I have some hope now that the imipramine will work though I know it’s going to take a while. What’s being really hard is feeling so disconnected from everything meaningful. Can you help me?
Dear Jenny, we love you very much. The feeling of being disconnected is a necessary part of the passage you are making now. You are having to disconnect from old disfunctional ways of relating that do not serve you, so you can reconnect in more healthy ways. We know this is hard and scary. You are not doing anything wrong. You are suffering the consequences of your barren and traumatic infancy, and you must be conscious of these feelings in order for them to heal. Remember we are with you even when you can’t feel us.