Somatic Experiencing

(Written in February 2009)
Session with Caryn.  I spent a lot of it with her sitting in the corner and me leaning back against her, relaxing as much as possible.  Trying to let my body learn what it feels like to feel really safe and held.  Frantic parts of me were upset that if I don’t do something I’ll never get better.  Another part of me knows that learning to be deeply relaxed is very healing — as I used to do with Brad.  And I can only do it with someone who can provide a witness and a container.  Caryn asked what would help me feel safe, and I said to have someone with me all the time.  She said I was learning to have that be the earth, the earth that I’m connected to all the time, that holds me and doesn’t let me go.  So I’m practicing giving my weight to the earth.  When I left at the end of the session I felt much more present, not so dissociated.