Category Archives: Journal

What Depression Does for Me

Posted on October 21, 2010 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) Woke at 5:41 terrified. Tried to bring compassion to my fear. No softening, all is meaningless. No sense of contact with the spirit realm. Last night at NVC check-in I talked about my despair. I said … Continue reading →

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Despair

Posted on October 20, 2010 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) What I am feeling is despair. I feel “like” my life has been wasted in a meaningless struggle, etc. But that’s a thought. What am I feeling in my body? Ache and heaviness of heart, weakness … Continue reading →

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“Should” and Compassion

Posted on October 17, 2010 by jenny

Reading from my journal from June 2010 I see how I create misery for myself by a convoluted and distorted thinking process, and my inability to trust my own goodness. My heart just went out to me, lots of compassion … Continue reading →

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Struggle with “Should”

Posted on October 15, 2010 by jenny

(Written in June 2010) Didn’t even have energy to write so I crawled back in bed. Had one wave of fear but I met it with acceptance and compassion and it faded. I think I did sleep for a while. … Continue reading →

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Worldview

Posted on October 8, 2010 by jenny

(Written in December 2005) I thought I might try to write a worldview or a set of beliefs that would help me be more patient and kinder to myself, and maybe even manage my life with more grace, ease, patience, … Continue reading →

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The Sexual War Zone

Posted on October 1, 2010 by jenny

(Written in April 2008) I wondered if I were to just do writing practice if it would help with the toxicity — just keep the pen moving.  This is the fourth time this month…    A lot of tension in my … Continue reading →

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Reading Old Journals

Posted on August 6, 2010 by jenny

(Reading early Journals 1968 – 1975     Written in March 2008) I’m still feeling a little strange. It could be from reading through my old journals.  I’ve been reading through the breakdown in Davis and coming back to Maine.  Mostly desperate … Continue reading →

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Reading Old Journals

Posted on August 5, 2010 by jenny

(Reading early Journals 1959 – 1967    Written in March 2008) I started reading the Mimi Diary last night — got through all the early writings to Collision with California.  O my.  What a romantic teenager living in an impossible … Continue reading →

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One Wild and Precious Life

Posted on August 4, 2010 by jenny

(Written in August 2005) I was thinking about the line from Mary Oliver: “what will you do with your one wild and precious life?” and how it always makes me feel bad, like I have wasted mine.  Well, have I … Continue reading →

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Dialogue with Little Jenny

Posted on July 18, 2010 by jenny

(Written in January 2003) In a panic.  Sitting here with a cup of tea to be with it.  The usual breathless dissolving feeling in my upper body.  It began when I couldn’t find the list.  I kept telling myself there … Continue reading →

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