Category Archives: Depression

Struggle with Depression

Posted on December 18, 2011 by jenny

(Written in March 1986) There’s so much work to be done around the house and I just don’t seem to have the energy.  Or the discipline.  Or the faith that it ultimately means anything to keep this house neat and … Continue reading →

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Thoughts about Death

Posted on December 14, 2011 by jenny

A good friend died last month.  His death was expected, unlike Evie’s in July which was a horrible shock.  She was young and healthy, Michael’s health was failing.  He was waiting to qualify for a liver transplant, but his body was … Continue reading →

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“Demoralization Box”

Posted on September 26, 2011 by jenny

For the last couple of months I’ve been struggling with “lost the will to live” — the last stage of trauma when the organism has concluded that death is inevitable.  Sometimes I’m OK with it, sometimes it’s really hard.  I’m … Continue reading →

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Being with the Baby

Posted on September 24, 2011 by jenny

(Written in June 2004) Told Karen about being the baby — then about feelings of resistance and disgust to the idea of taking care of myself.  She said it was OK to have those feelings.  We explored the reality — … Continue reading →

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Don’t Want to Live

Posted on September 23, 2011 by jenny

(Written in June 2004) Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m having a pretty bad time.  I wanted to die this morning — I’m just sick & tired of being Jenny — she’s too much burden and not enough reward.  Please … Continue reading →

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Tough Day

Posted on September 22, 2011 by jenny

(Written in June 2004) Rough day yesterday.  A lot of fear & sense of alienation from my life.  A beautiful day but I wasn’t really present to it, etc.  A lot of pain about the ecological crisis, letter from Barbara … Continue reading →

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Wanting to Live my “Big Life”

Posted on September 16, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) I’m scared again, scared that I will never come out of this.  Yesterday I could see that I’m being able to talk about what’s going on for me and to ask for help — I think … Continue reading →

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Compassion

Posted on September 15, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) Dream: we’re all in a car coming up Park Road, Daddy driving.  He goes past the driveway & we tell him & he complains that we should have made sounds when he got to the mailbox … Continue reading →

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Too Hard

Posted on September 14, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) I can’t do this.  It’s just too hard.  I did the bank deposit & went downtown, shopped, got mail — all with my heart like a stone, body frozen in fear.  Put on Oratorium, collapsed on … Continue reading →

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Guidance for Scared & Sad

Posted on September 13, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) Dear Spirits, please help me.  I’m so scared and sad. Dear Jenny, the sadness is grief for losses of the past, and you are afraid it will never change.  Dear one, it changes all the time.  … Continue reading →

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