Category Archives: Depression

Profoundly Lonely

Posted on November 18, 2012 by jenny

I am feeling profoundly lonely.  I know I need to see at least one person who cares about me every day.  Due to a life-long struggle with depression, I didn’t have a chance to make a lot of friends.  My … Continue reading →

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Reconstituting the World

Posted on October 11, 2012 by jenny

Woke up this morning in a state of fear.  That hasn’t happened in a long time.  After breakfast I really went downhill.  Then I realized that I had been ruminating all morning on speeches about justifying myself in the face … Continue reading →

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The Ongoing War

Posted on September 29, 2012 by jenny

Nevil Shute is one of my favorite authors.  I’ve reread his books more than once.  Except for his most famous book “On the Beach.”  Many people think that that book, and the subsequent movie, are why we haven’t destroyed ourselves … Continue reading →

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September 1995: What it’s like to suffer from PTSD, when you don’t know that’s what it is.

Posted on September 26, 2012 by jenny

(Written in September 1995) It’s grey and damp outside.  Yesterday when it was grey, I hoped that would stop the planes, but they flew anyway.  They weren’t loud but they were frequent, and I’m pretty much ground down by it … Continue reading →

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May 1995: Airplane Pollution

Posted on September 15, 2012 by jenny

(Written May 2, 1995) There’s been a damn airplane snarling out there while I’m writing.  I hate to have a lovely fresh morning, 8AM, sunshine, greening grass, spoiled by that continuous grind at the edge of hearing.  Sigh.  I am … Continue reading →

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July 1994: No Enemies Within

Posted on September 3, 2012 by jenny

From No Enemies Within, the story of Norma, whose wounded self made signs while her verbal self rattled on about past abandonments and failed to see present support.  “I care about you.  I’m curious about you.  We’re not done yet.  … Continue reading →

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August 1994: The Holocaust Room

Posted on August 29, 2012 by jenny

I’ve been converting 1994 and came across my dream of the Holocaust Room in August It was a piece of sculpture.  The entryway had two façades with statues of round-faced & insensitive men.  (Their heads looked like they were made … Continue reading →

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Last Day of Retreat

Posted on August 22, 2012 by jenny

(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008) Last day.  I can’t say I’m glad to go home — I’m actually scared.  I guess that’s another warning to me that I do need to find medication that works.  One possible resource … Continue reading →

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Gate, Gate, Paragate…

Posted on August 21, 2012 by jenny

(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008) When we came in for the afternoon session Gate Gate was playing.  I sat down in my place and began to sing along.  I imagined holding the traumatized baby in my lap — … Continue reading →

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Totally Bleak

Posted on August 20, 2012 by jenny

(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008) At least I slept.  Feeling totally bleak this morning.  It was so painful yesterday, not to be able to feel any softening in my heart as I heard people’s stories of compassion, not … Continue reading →

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