Category Archives: Trauma

Having a Hard Time

Posted on March 3, 2012 by jenny

(Written in June 2004) A really bad night.  Dogs barking, didn’t call cops.  My heart just ached.  I tried to bring compassion to it without success.  It’s slap in my face how little control I have.  I can’t even stop … Continue reading →

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Taking care of myself

Posted on January 30, 2012 by jenny

(Written in September 2006) Yesterday, I made a conscious decision to take care of the traumatized baby — to make her my first priority — that was partly why I lost myself in a book — because that’s the only … Continue reading →

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A Day in the Life of a Trauma Survivor

Posted on January 17, 2012 by jenny

Woke scared.  I HATE waking up scared.  I’m too uncomfortable to get out of bed, but I’m uncomfortable in bed so why stay there.  I tell myself I’ll feel better when I have a cup of tea and get myself … Continue reading →

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Reading Old Journals

Posted on December 17, 2011 by jenny

I’ve been going through old journals, copying and pasting into a new word processor so I can update my operating system.  For reasons I don’t fully understand I can’t do the whole document, but must copy 3 or 4 pages … Continue reading →

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Invalidation

Posted on November 26, 2011 by jenny

I talked to my sister recently and asked if she was interested in the “occupy” movement.  She said “It’s just a bunch of young people who want to make trouble.”  I said actually there were older people too, and real … Continue reading →

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Finding the Will to Live

Posted on October 2, 2011 by jenny

A couple of days ago I posted something from August about “no will to live,” and my struggles with it, trying to understand why it’s so hard to take in positive feedback.  Looking back from a month’s perspective, and after … Continue reading →

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“Demoralization Box”

Posted on September 26, 2011 by jenny

For the last couple of months I’ve been struggling with “lost the will to live” — the last stage of trauma when the organism has concluded that death is inevitable.  Sometimes I’m OK with it, sometimes it’s really hard.  I’m … Continue reading →

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Wanting to Live my “Big Life”

Posted on September 16, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) I’m scared again, scared that I will never come out of this.  Yesterday I could see that I’m being able to talk about what’s going on for me and to ask for help — I think … Continue reading →

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Compassion

Posted on September 15, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) Dream: we’re all in a car coming up Park Road, Daddy driving.  He goes past the driveway & we tell him & he complains that we should have made sounds when he got to the mailbox … Continue reading →

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Too Hard

Posted on September 14, 2011 by jenny

(Written in October 2003) I can’t do this.  It’s just too hard.  I did the bank deposit & went downtown, shopped, got mail — all with my heart like a stone, body frozen in fear.  Put on Oratorium, collapsed on … Continue reading →

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