Category Archives: Trauma

Living with PTSD

Posted on July 23, 2015 by jenny

The original title of this blog was “Living with PTSD.”  A friend suggested I change it to “Healing from PTSD,” which is certainly more affirming.  Yes, it’s true that I have healed a lot.  Unfortunately, the result of that healing … Continue reading →

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Life that was Stolen Before it was Lived

Posted on July 20, 2015 by jenny

I found this poem on rereading Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Untie the Strong Woman.  It’s in a chapter on abortion, in particular the grief of someone who has an abortion who hasn’t been free enough or supported enough to mourn.  Reading … Continue reading →

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Terrified

Posted on July 14, 2015 by jenny

I’ve been trying to get off Ativan, an anti-anxiety drug that I’ve been taking for a while.  It turns out that new research has shown that it’s one of a class of drugs that cause problems with memory and other … Continue reading →

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“Tray of Cups”

Posted on July 13, 2015 by jenny

Written June 12 It cooled off thank goodness.  Now it’s grey.  Feeling fine last night and then waking in the morning feeling totally bleak.  I remember this from the past.  I feel like nothing’s changed, despite all my work. Some … Continue reading →

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April 4, 1968

Posted on June 29, 2015 by jenny

I wrote this in 1968, while I was living with Fred.  It’s undated in my journal I don’t know where to start.  It seemed as though the volcano was going to blow last night.  I wanted to smash a window … Continue reading →

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Tough Going

Posted on June 19, 2015 by jenny

Pain.  “What you feel you can heal” The session with Erica was filled with so much pain.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much except maybe long ago when I splashed pain all over my journals.  Writhed with it, … Continue reading →

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What it’s Like to Live with PTSD

Posted on June 18, 2015 by jenny

It’s sunny and beautiful out, and I can’t bear it.  It’s a day to go out and enjoy the world, and I just want to hide.  Yesterday was so much easier, it was grey with drizzly rain. Now I understand … Continue reading →

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Mother’s Day

Posted on June 13, 2015 by jenny

I haven’t posted anything in a long time because I’ve been having such a bad time.  I still don’t understand what’s going on well enough to talk about it.  I haven’t the faintest idea how to heal the gap that’s … Continue reading →

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Depression in Reaction to Feeling Good

Posted on June 1, 2015 by jenny

I wrote this paragraph for a group called Patients Like Me, writing it for other people dealing with PTSD. The worst thing about PTSD for me is to be where I am now: Technically called hypoarousal, it also means depressed … Continue reading →

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In Transition

Posted on May 17, 2015 by jenny

Thursday Told Karen about waking up feeling not quite myself, unfamiliar, on two days. Yesterday morning I realized I am in transition — letting go of the old trapeze, new one not yet visible in the fog.  Karen said that’s … Continue reading →

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