Finished reading Memorial Days by Geraldine Brooks, about the death of her husband and their marriage. I felt very jealous of their relationship. My 18 year marriage with Dana was wrecked by the fact that I was dealing with trauma and didn’t know it. I look at my life and wonder about what I have done with my life that I could consider worthwhile. I think of Journey Into Courage — 4 years of performances on the road, and then Bess made a movie. We woke a lot of people up about the realities of domestic violence. Then there was teaching Sacred Circle Dance in Neskaya, the building Dana and I built deliberately as a sacred space for movements arts that are also spiritual practices. We opened with classes in yoga, aikido, and sacred dance. I taught sacred dance there for 25 years. I feel very good about having done that. I had hoped to be able to continue teaching after I moved to Kendal at Hanover, but I was too tired to do the drive and then COVID hit. For reasons I don’t understand, COVID triggered my PTSD, and I have ended up in assisted living.
Realizing that I have done some worthwhile things with my life, and reminding myself that I have been dealing with PTSD helps a lot. I haven’t wasted my life, I have struggled with being wounded, and still managed to do some things that were worthwhile.