Writing with Sharon. We wrote for 20 minutes, then read and talked about what we wrote.
Talking to Erica about Non-duality. I find that my comfort with not knowing who I am, not having any “identity,” is actually a non-dual experience — if that’s the right word. I was surprised to find so many people in the class are concerned about their identities and very uncomfortable if they don’t have one. I guess for me, and Erica pointed this out, I would often say “I’m a mixed bag.” A frequent answer to how are you today? There was a time when I mostly saw myself as worthless. I would occasionally manage to see something “worthy,” I could remind myself that I am intelligent — evidence: my Wellesley degree — or that I had helped somebody. When did I begin to be able to acknowledge that I had some worthwhile qualities — I think of Elizabeth saying I was “kind” and my astonishment — I would usually balance them with the worthless parts, and now I’m beginning to see that the parts of me I think of as “worthless” are actually wounded. In any case, seeing myself as someone with positive talents and gifts, and negative behaviors and woundings, started me referring to myself as a “mixed bag.” The beauty of the phrase is I don’t have to specify what different things are in the bag. Might be certain things one day, and something different the next. No wonder I never got attached to an identity. It’s true that I still see myself as separate from the world, which is duality, but hey! So what?
Nothing more to say. Was there another piece? Cynthia talks about “cosmic mystery” and I immediately think of my vision of the Universe, multi-dimensional, so complex, complex beyond the capacity of a human brain to understand. That reminds me of the print that hangs on my wall. “Canst thou bind the sweet influence of Pleiades?…” and thinking God was saying something akin to “who do you think you are?” Then later realizing that God was saying something much closer to “the complexity of the universe is beyond the capacity of your brain.” “Can you make luck happen?” It’s name was Pleiades and I was about to graduate with a degree in Astronomy, so of course I bought it.
The Pleiades, by the way, are a star cluster, also called the seven sisters. “Can you make luck happen?” is a literal translation of “bind the sweet influence…”
Cynthia is Cynthia Bourgeault, who is teaching the course on Practical Nonduality for Spirituality & Practice.