Dialogue with a Part

Written in writing group on June 26.  I was feeling very scared and worrying about Mocha’s illness.  I thought I would try talking to a part who was scared.

I just want to cry.  My teeth have been chattering all day.  I don’t know what to do.  Everything is scary.  If Mocha gets really sick I don’t know if I will be able to take care of her.  I feel so clumsy.

ME: how old are you?

EIGHT:  I’m eight.  And I got left to take care of the younger kids.  Everything was OK, but I just felt inadequate.  I didn’t know what I’d do if anything went wrong.  What if somebody fell or something.

M:  Didn’t they give you a number to call if you needed help?

E:  No, were they supposed to?  I thought I was just supposed to do whatever was needed.  They thought I could do it.    O gosh I’m feeling lost and scared again.  What am I going to do?  I just want to hide.

M:  Now wait a minute.  You’ve got friends who can help.  There will be people you can ask what to do when Mocha gets to certain places.  You won’t have to be all alone.

E:  You mean I can ask for help?  I’ve always been scared to ask for help.  They made me wrong if I asked for help.  I was just supposed to know.  I thought I was stupid that I didn’t know.

M:  You don’t know things if someone else doesn’t teach you.  Some things you can find in books, but some things you just have to ask somebody.  Your Mom & Dad just made you wrong for asking?

E;  Yes.  They didn’t want to be bothered.  They acted like I should already know, what was the matter with me that I didn’t.     Oh I just felt so lost, so alone.

I can’t think of anything to say.  The weather is miserable.  Hot and wet, sun alternates with rain, so uncomfortable.  My head hurts and I’m so tired.  Trying to understand why I’m in this uncomfortable place.

Two days after this, I was visited by the Vet who comes to your home.  She didn’t think Mocha had the horrible disease, and she was able to watch her move around quite a lot.  It was a great relief.

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