In February 2013, I was reintroduced to the importance of making a choice. I wrote:
Feeling lonely and bereft of spirit. Recently I was introduced to the idea that faith is not good feelings, faith is a stand you can take, a choice you can make.
I choose to believe that the universe is benevolent. I choose to believe that “All things work together for good.” I choose to believe that the creative spirit that is continually birthing the universe is hugely loving and deeply merciful, and shares in our triumphs and joys, our defeats and sorrows.
But I didn’t keep repeating it. The next step, in February 2021, was reading an article by Francis Weller in Kosmos Journal. It was on the difference between Trauma and Initiation. Both start by stripping away your identity, and disconnecting you from the world you live in. Trauma leaves you disconnected, but initiation brings you to a “wider, more inclusive, participatory, sacred cosmos.” Those words were incredibly meaningful for me.
In a post in March 2022, I describe the meaning for me of each word. I also describe the first version of my prayer:
The prayer I’ve been saying for quite a while now, when I felt discouraged, was “I choose to trust that the wider, more inclusive, participatory, sacred cosmos is real, and holds the world I love in compassion.” I say “I choose…” because I am unable to trust, I don’t really believe, but I want to set my compass needle in that direction even when I can’t move in that direction.
In that same post, I went on to describe an unexpected direction that just appeared:
One day I was saying this prayer and instead of saying “the sacred cosmos is real” I said “the sacred cosmos is alive.”
So my prayer has become: I choose to trust that the wider, more inclusive, participatory, sacred cosmos is alive and intelligent and works through me to create a better world for all. Just saying it fills me with positive energy.
Then in May 2022, I read Choosing Earth, where he says we have three possible paths:
1: Crash, chaos, and collapse
2: Authoritarian control with artificial intelligence
3: Great transition and transformation
Naturally I want to see us make the transformation to a sustainable system. The subtitle of the book is “Humanity’s Great Transition to a Mature Planetary Civilization.” I know that this is possible, no matter how unlikely it looks. I also know that holding a vision of what I want can help make it a reality. So “I choose to trust that humanity will make the great transition to a mature, sustainable, planetary civilization.” I hang on to that.
But the book really brought me down. I wasn’t even able to finish it. And the news was worse. The Supreme Court, oil companies raising their prices, Global warming, the political idiocy, the war in Ukraine… Then my physical energy is deteriorating and my mind hasn’t been working very well. That was a bit scary until I found out from Dr. Court Vreeland that my thyroid is functioning at a very low level. At least I’m not lazy or senile! But it’s a tremendous effort just to keep going.
Finally I came across something in Matthew Fox’s book on Julian of Norwich just a few days ago. He quotes from a book by Andrew Harvey and Carolyn Baker called Radical Regeneration: Birthing the New Human in the Age of Extinction. I’ve ordered the book, but I don’t have it yet. But just the little Matthew Fox says is enough to lift my spirits. finally, something I can do, despite my own lack of energy and struggling mind. I can hold the vision they describe. I’m still working with the wording of the vision, and it may keep changing, but at least I’m able to stay focussed on it.
A course by Robert Fritz, years ago, taught me how to make something I wanted happen: create a vision, and a completely honest description of current reality. Just hold the two together and structural tension will pull current reality to the vision.
Current version of the Prayer/Vision:
“I choose to trust that the wider, more inclusive, participatory, sacred cosmos is alive and intelligent, and works with us, teaching us to value diversity and helping us to self-organize into a higher order being.”
I worked a long time on this. Kept getting confused by the material. I hope it makes sense. My brain is not working very well.