Because of COVID-19, I am getting scared on a regular basis. If I can find either my grief or my gratitude it will help dissolve the fear. But it’s a wild ride. I also have been getting together with my siblings on Zoom. Aren’t we all grateful for this online tool?
I realize that because of the difficulties of my life I have not been in regular contact with my siblings, and I have lost a lot of friends because it was too hard to keep connected when our lives diverged. For my siblings, I went through this blog and sent them the links to events in my life that might help them understand what it has been like. Such as “Getting on Medication”
One post that I found while looking around was one called The Core of Trauma. After I read it, I went on to the next post. (At the top and bottom of the post are links, the one on the left to the previous post, the one on the right to the next one.) This series of posts seemed very significant to me. One surprise was that, for almost the first time in my experience, I read how it was so much worse four years ago, and realize that I have done a lot of healing.
Grief has turned out to be a very important force in my life. Most of my life, when I was sad for “no reason” I made myself wrong. “What do you have to be sad about? You have enough money, etc etc…” So it was a revelation to be given Francis Weller’s book and find that there are things you were supposed to get and didn’t that were a reason to grieve. As a result, and despite a lot of terror, I went to a workshop in California with Francis Weller. The most important result of this was that I discovered that if I allowed myself to grieve, I no longer got depressed.