from Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul
This quote is from a chapter on addiction. I found it very helpful. Even though I am neither addicted to PTSD, nor attracted to experiencing depression and terror, I do suddenly find myself terrified. Very much like the alcoholic who, having decided not to drink, suddenly finds herself with a glass of whiskey in her hand. I would suddenly be triggered into despair or terror, would be there without conscious choice, would not even know what triggered it. I am finally beginning to catch myself before I start traveling down the long well-traveled neural path that leads to negative thinking, and make the decision not to go there. A number of things have helped me, not the least is my brother Jack teaching me the prayer: “Dear God, please remove my fear, and redirect me toward what you would have me be.” And my friend Eve, who introduced me to Gary Zukav. I am SO grateful.
“If your decision is to become whole, hold that decision. You will not be as tempted or frightened as you think. Hold it and remind yourself again and again: You stand between your lesser self and your whole self. Choose with wisdom because the power is now fully in your hands. Do not underestimate the power of consciousness. As you live and make conscious choices each moment and each day you fill with strength and your lesser self disintegrates.
“As you choose to empower yourself, the part of you that you challenge will surface again and again. Each time that you challenge it, you gain power and it loses power… If you look upon each recurrence of attraction as a setback, or as an indication that your intention is not working, you choose the path of learning through fear and doubt. If you look upon each recurrence as an opportunity that is offered to you, in response to your intention, to release your inadequacy and to acquire power over it, you choose the path of learning through wisdom, for that is what it is.
“The first time that you challenge your addiction, and the second, and the third, you may not feel that anything has been accomplished. Do you think that authentic power can be had so easily?” pp156-7