Since I’ve been essentially trying to let go of “false urgency” (which is a consequence of trauma) and learning to wait in silence, I went back to reread Sue Monk Kidd on waiting. from When the Heart Waits
“Referring to the [inner] Guide, Thomas Merton said ‘We don’t have to rush after it. It was there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us.’” p124
‘Bernanos “Grace is everywhere.” The statement appalls me at times. But then so many things about God appall me. The immense, unreasonable love for us, the outrageous insistence that in the weak and broken there is divine Presence, the indomitable faith in us as children of hope, to mention a few.’ p124-5
“To take upon ourselves the posture of sitting while Jesus prays brings us into the most grace-ful mystery of the waiting experience that there is: that of opening to the intimate presence of the Spirit praying within, penetrating, speaking, and holding us in our darkness.
“Again the emphasis isn’t on what we’re doing but on what God is doing. Ultimately we don’t heal, transform or create ourselves. We posture ourselves in ways that allow God to heal, transform and create us. The posture of sitting while Jesus prays reminds us that the Spirit is active and speaking. Our part is to learn to sit, yielding to God’s activity in us, opening ourselves to divine prayer, listening to the silent words.” p136
“Hesychasm [Greek for “rest” and “prayer”] was a way of unceasing prayer in which a person descended into the heart and built a nest for herself and God, a place where she rested in the divine Presence, staying there throughout her day, throughout her pain, conflict, and struggle.
“To sit while Jesus prays brings us to this kind of nesting in the heart. It allows us a replenishing rest in which we can be still and listen to the prayers and words that the Spirit whispers inside us.” p137
“Julian of Norwich wrote that our wounds become the womb. This touching image points us to the awareness that transformation hinges on our ability to turn our pain (the tomb) into a fertile place where life is birthed (the womb).
“… the actual groping and searching is the way our deeper self evolves and is released.” p159
Father Sylvan: “It is through the medium of total self-inquiry that the forces of good and evil can meet and be reconciled within us.” p159
Thinking of god in a nest in my heart brought the most extraordinary experience of loving god. I have never felt that before.