Written in December 2008
What do I need to hear from some very kind, very loving, very wise being? Dear, this is too much for you. It was too much when you were a baby and it’s too much now. You need to be very kind to yourself. You need to stop trying to do a task that’s too adult for you right now. You are putting in so much effort, yes beating your head against the wall, because you believe that this is the only way you have to help the world you love. You do truly love the world — the world of nature, and the community of human beings that is capable of loving co-operation — you do care, and you have done many things to help the world, not least among them your intention for good. But right now, you are unable to feel your own caring, your wish and capacity to do good. You are caught in the pain of a traumatized baby. Due to circumstances beyond your control, there is no community of support available to you. Your life has become unworkable, and you need to support yourself with medication, you need to find a medication that works.