Resource Notebook

I mentioned my “Resource notebook” in a previous post.  In Somatic Experiencing a “resource” is a place in your body that feels more comfortable, more centered, more solid.  A resource can also be something that, when you think of it, you feel more relaxed and calm.  My therapist has more than once suggested that I write down all my positive experiences.  One of the reasons for doing this is that I have trouble taking in and remembering positive feedback, because I have no structures in my mind to hold positive experiences.  I do find that reading my Resource notebook is a big help when I’m having a hard time.

I was reading through Resource 2008 and 2009 recently and came across a number of guidance passages that were very helpful.  Some of them have probably already been published in this blog but I don’t see that as a reason for not posting them again.

Right now I’m in some pain and difficulty because my precious dog Bella has been diagnosed with cancer.  I have to say that as an exhibit of a dog that’s going to die soon she’s a disgrace.  Her spirits are good, she eats and drinks well, she runs along on three legs as well as she did on four.  I’m doing my best to enjoy her presence as a gift each day, but sometimes I get depressed, and am unable to enjoy her.  Then of course I get angry at myself for being depressed, and that makes things even worse until I remember to ask myself the question “Are you angry at yourself for being depressed?”  The anger is so automatic, and comes without words or feelings that might let me know I’m angry at myself.  I don’t feel angry, I feel more depressed.

When I read through these guidance passages from 2008, they were so helpful that I thought I’d post them, even if it is the second time.

(Written in December 2008)
Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I’m feeling very scared about the financial crisis and how I’m going to survive.  Please help me.

Dear Jenny, relax.  You are greatly loved.  We are gathered around you loving you, and you are beginning to recognize that there are many people living right here in this town who care about you and want to support you.  This is what counts and this is what will matter if things get really tough.  Do not dwell on the bad news, and remember that linear projection from current reality never gives a true picture of what will happen.  It is entirely possible that human beings, galvanized by this crisis, will come up with solutions that will work for everybody.  Keep your spiritual compass aimed in that direction and hold that vision.  And remember that, no matter what may happen here on Planet Earth in the next few years, you and all your fellow inhabitants and the planet that you love, are all held safely in the vast compassion that created the universe.  You have had very little experience of this, early trauma has left you with too many experiences of despair and terror, and too few experiences of being safely held by someone/something larger than yourself.  Despite this, your commitment to truth, to your own integrity and healing, to compassion, has brought you a long way from the bleak and broken place you started from, the narrow life of addiction and denial that your parents were living.  Give yourself credit for your high level of commitment and very hard work in the service of healing for yourself and your species and your planet.  Your life and work have not been meaningless, and your continued work to expand the amount of compassion in the universe will never be lost.  We love you and we honor you and we support you.

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