Thinking about being molested and raped, I realized how much it affected my self-image. I felt dirty and ugly, slimy and sleazy. I felt like this defective toy who didn’t deserve anything better than sleazy men, who would never attract any decent men. Of course, that’s who I thought I was, when it was really what I had learned from how I was treated. It wasn’t until I found out about how children of alcoholics learn dysfunctional behavior, they — we — aren’t born defective, but we are majorly affected by what others do to us. This was all happening on a foundation of trauma. Kaethe Weingarten, in Common Shock, describes how trauma breaks the comforting world view from a healthy childhood: the Universe is benevolent, life is meaningful, the self is worthy. After trauma, the universe is malevolent, life is meaningless, and the self is unworthy.
Dance! break the rules
Dance! stop the pain
Dance! turn it upside down
It’s time to BREAK THE CHAIN!