(Written in June 2009)
It rained in the morning, then got very windy with gleams of sun. Randi and I walked to the picnic table in the wind and sun and it was exhilarating instead of terrifying which was wonderful! To be able to enjoy the power of the wind, the roar in the trees, the flying clouds, the sunlight, the way the trees bowed and quivered and the leaves were almost inside out. We came back and did some toning together and had tea.
Woke OK! I actually felt happy last night dancing. The board meeting with Katrine was wonderful! It was so heartwarming to hear the stories of what Neskaya has meant to people. And very exciting to hear their ideas for how Neskaya might grow. The energy and enthusiasm buoyed me up, lifted me. I’m part of a team now, part of a circle, a container. No longer the leader on point.
Woke OK! The session with Caryn really helped a lot. We made a map of my life in which sadness had a part but was not the whole thing. It clarified and filled out the sense I had with Karen of being in a neutral place, where it was OK to do nothing, and looking at all the things I might do, but didn’t have to do. There was: the Jizo statue and shrine, the celebration of my life, the Forest Path, Dancing and Decorating Neskaya, allowing positive feedback to reach me, the energy of healthy anger, creating deeper connections with community, and NVC. There was also a place for sadness and grief work, and a place for resting. Caryn said I might have to rest for months to recover from pushing myself unmercifully for most of my life.